Feeling lost 2

[srt]

Hi folks, checking in again after an eventful couple of weeks. W and I have continued to meet up approx once a week to spend some time together.
We had went to a local bar for a drink, however since I was driving ordered a coke, and she wanted herbal tea! She seemed on edge all evening, even though I was comfortable and projecting confidence. We chatted about lots of things, and some possibilities for future "dates" but I sensed she was not as positive about this as me. Evening ended when she was saying she was tired (seems to be a recurring theme) and dropped her off at home.

I then vented (in private) to family (who would not break confidence) about how there is no committment there, and how frustrating it is to do "dating" but with no willingness to come out and say she wants to work on things - just a "lets see how this goes".

Fast forward to the next evening. I have kids and she phones late in floods of tears. She is cut up, crying and saying how sorry she is for everything that has happened and this sitch. I (maybe stupidly) said come round which she did. We then talked for half an hour about all sorts of things. She says she has no confidence, feels old (only 35), thinks her body is falling apart, hates it how she hardly has any time with kids as they don't really want to be with her, thinks she is having an mlc, etc etc. She says she feels really low, never goes out and has been to doctor about it today!

She also mentioned how she was finding the dating hard, she really wants to do it but feels confused. She said she thinks she still loves the EA person, but said she knows she can't have him and that it is stupid. She plain admitted she had lied all the way through counselling about this too, and said last contact was at xmas? She said she had talked with doctor about this and said she needed time to get it out of her system.

Wasn't really sure how to respond to this stuff other than to hear her and try to comfort her as best I can (thinking better not to try anything stupid). In response to the EA stuff I simply said I was not willing to share her and things can not work if she doesn't deal with this. She ended up leaving after calming herself down but was back to being slightly standoff ish again.

This seems to have confirmed for me my W's mlc. I should add she has also recently got a tattoo which she was unaware I knew about.

So, cue forwards to our weekly "date time" and she bails this time. No mention of not doing it (despite we agreed we'd meet that night every week) and she tried to drag me into an argument about how I should have contacted her about it beforehand to check it was on?

The next day (Sat) I got a phonecall out of the blue to go swimming with her and D&S. Knowing what was coming I agreed (love pool time with the kids anyway ) At pool she is dressed in a *stunning* swimsuit and is flashing her new tattoo. I played it cool but now found it hard not to be seriously physically attracted to her, and felt she just did this to drag me back in...

Anyway we have just had out latest date night, during which I stupidly raised the issue of commitment and said I didn't think meeting once a week was going to make much difference to our circumstances. I said that nothing is going to change unless we agree to make some changes, and also said it was difficult to do "dating" when she wasn't committed to it. This was met with some hostility, which I managed to defuse and not engage with. In the end we agreed a pizza and movie night the next day at the marital home.

W arrived for this and in total spend around 3 hours at the MH. We had a good time, some laughs and the kids *loved* it too. A couple of things came up though - she was unwilling to come upstairs to help bath or bed the children. Secondly she avoided being "close" to me, both at meal times and when watching movie. Although I think I can understand why I'd like some advice on how to handle this - I'm expecting to be hit by a large piece of 2x4 with the words "detach" on it though

I'm wondering if I would be better off in the MLC forum now, and id consider if we'd started piecing (but definitely not confident about it enough now to state that)

All comments very welcome, have actually found the last 2 weeks more trying emotionally than the previous couple of months.