Papers are filed, here comes the D. Focus on me

[Cherry]

Surfer, thanks for the pointers. It's a tricky situation, I know that blus tough love works, but there's also the db-ing of being firm, protecting yourself but still being polite. I personally see that working more. I understand that my wh is going through with this, and he's moving in the next few weeks. But I do see better results from him when he sees me distant but polite, and getting on with my own thing, not giving too much away to him about my life or what I am up to. I think if I stand a chance at getting him to realise what a mistake he is making, then I need to be more like I was when we met, strong, independent, mysterious but not rude. I am seeing him looking a bit more down, and I feel this is because my attitude has kinda changed, he's seen me busying and getting on with things. I get what you mean by the planning for a life without him, and that's where I'm at now. I know everything is going through, so i understand that my only option now is to make sure that I am going to be okay either way.

I do find myself quite often kind of acting a part when it comes to presentations, but I also volunteer to do more so in conquering the fear of public speaking.

Zeus, I am sorry if any of my posts have offended you. Like surfer says, right or wrong I use this as a safe place to vent my anger. I do not blow up at wh at all. No matter how hard he pushes me, I either stay strong and firm, or if it's heated, I walk away and say we would deal with it when less emotional. By being calmer, I have noticed he is now mirroring my behaviour and is calmer towards me, even to the point of making general conversation. I think there is two schools of thought with a wayward between being strong and firm with a little anger, to approaching calmer with a strong sense of person. I'd like to think I'm the latter. I actually get told off at times for being too calm with him. My goal is protecting myself and preparing for my future but more from a lighthouse perspective. I even stopped his mum trashing his room and put it back together, I think some lbs would have left her be, or even done it themselves.

I'm also sorry re the parenting thing. My last pregnancy and the first 6 months, he was AMAZING so hands on, he loves babies, and nothing brought him more joy than having his own. Even on the occasions now when he looks after s, he can be great. Takes him to the park with a football. I just hate when he makes plans to look after s and bails, or when he blanks s, I just don't see that as right.

I get what you mean by what would he see if he read this. He probably would be hurt, but then so may all our spouses, I guess we come here in our own crisis and fog and try our best to get grounded. It's took me a while, but I no longer feel as much anger, I've accepted it's happening and my plan is on moving forward and protecting my children. There is just certain pressure points that get me, and that is usually where letting my son down comes to play. As hard as their crisis breaks your heart, nothing breaks your heart quite as much to your child waking in the night saying "daddy's gone" and he's still out and I have to try my best to calm him .

I do agree with surfers point of it being our safe place to vent to make sure it doesn't spill over to children, or the wayward. Sometimes if I feel angry, I journal it and let it go. But believe me I'm working on me and where I think I have contributed to my m. I'm aware reading some of these posts, I may come across as some screaming banshee but that's just me letting it out, so I don't say things out loud or bottle it up.

But I am sorry to you and to anyone else if offence has been caused, that isn't my aim. I'm just releasing a little valve.