Papers are filed, here comes the D. Focus on me

[Surfer]

He will NOT COME BACK as long as he knows he can! You are treating him like a walkaway and hes not. HE IS DEEP IN AN AFFAIR!!! Until he goes out into the world, loses you/family/home, and gets a taste of reality, he WILL NOT LEARN! He has to go into reality with OW and see what a mistake he is making and then actually FEEL the loss of you!!!

Blu has given you one hell of 2x4 here.....

He needs to get out. He needs to see that things with OW are not what he things they will be. And he needs to miss you, the family, and the home life. SO STOP GIVING THAT TO HIM!!!

....and here.

Let him get out of the house. Don't engage with the temp checking. Him flirting and talking about houses. He's trying to get a reaction. Don't give him one at all. Just.....walk away.

He's trying to draw you in. He's checking to see if you still care, trying to get you into an arguement or trying to reel you in. All of which will help him but not you at all. Stay firm, don't succumb to any of it.

He is leaving, you will be staying in the home with your babies. Will your MIL stay, that would be good for now at least? What about going forward, these are things to focus on. Life without H. Yes, it may all work out, but it is not going to unless what Blu says happens - you do need to drop the rope a little more as there is still quite a bit of hope there (I understand I have this a little too). If you go straight to piecing now, it will fail again. Don't. Let him go and plan for the future. Plan for a life you can be happy with without you H and let the alternative happen, if it does great. Sorry this all sounds a bit hard - I hope it's not hard to read, but it is true.

I have been thinking about GALing too. The walk is perfect. Coffee etc. I get what was being said about nails etc but keep doing that. That is just a bonus for you. It makes you feel nice. I think the point was, are you getting out to do the things you always wanted to do? Things like this will help with your self confidence. BTW I also used to hate doing presentations. You just keep going and you start to like it. Confidence is contagious and you can catch it from yourself 'by acting as if'. Try it.

There will be lots to do with your baby on the way and being a mum on your own with 2 little ones will keep you busy. Is your MIL fit enough to look after both whilst you go out for a meal or drinks with friends? You could even go to a class (macrame or something you have always wanted to do). How are you going to get adult time for YOU? No need to post back on this stuff it's just food for thought.

I want to end on a really positive note. You are doing brilliantly. He is floundering around trying to grasp on let him struggle a little more. Don't help him. I know it's tempting. Don't. If you help him your chances of success will be dashed. Those times when he looks mixed up and you want to help him, this is when it is working. All that hard work. He's getting troubled by his actions. What you are doing is working but you really must follow Blu's advice.

I hope you next post is clear in your understanding of what comes next and I hope you have had a lovely day with your S and your friend.

Surfer.