Nice post Brian. You are spot on. It's easy to fall into the mindset that you are right, she is wrong, and you will wake her up to reality by righteously clashing with her on every point that doesn't align with you.
The problem is that you win the battle but lose the war.
I mean, suppose for a minute that you really were 'right'. Well, if what you do when you're right is build resentment, berate her and challenge her and argue with her, diminish her view points, dismiss her feelings, and let your disgust with her for expressing herself overwhelm everything else...well, you may be 'right' about the importance of marriage, but that is far exceeded by how wrong you'd be by acting that way. And as a WAS it would just be more proof that we could never have a working relationship. Like "LBS, I hear what you're saying, but the way you're saying it proves it won't work".
You've made it clear you don't believe in divorce. I think it's time to let go of sending that message. It's not your job to teach her, educate her, punish her, or control her. Let her go.
It's tough, shoot, even today XW texts me in ways that are so nasty I can't believe she sleeps at night, and trust me, the desire to put together a handful of her nasty emails and texts and just send them to her and be like 'is this who you want to be?' is powerful at times...but my kids deserve a life without drama, and SO DO I!
Your last post shows you are on your way. I'd reread these posts before every interaction with her for a while.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
