My x-h crisis has hit me like a ton of bricks. The way I see it today is: I loved the person I was post bomb. I was a good wife, a good mother with strong family values and my accomplishment in my roles of mother and wife were my pride. His crisis took all of it away including my future. It made my past a lie and my present, a living hell. The battle it created for me was to get through what I thought was a perfect life, say goodbye to it and re-start all over. Rediscover myself. Not as a wife or mother but as an individual. Because without those, I was nothing. Everyone came first and it was ok. I was not miserable nor sad. it was what made me happy. My devotion and hard work was rewarded in good intentions and good behaviors.
The changes I worked on in me, eventho I said over and over on this board that I wanted to be me again, were: Have a voice, Have an opinion, My feelings matters as much as everyone else's feelings, STAND UP for yourself.
The results of those changes are: I attract people who are struggling because I listen, I care, I say a few words, I won' t leave until they are calm. I make them think for themselves. Their solution is inside each and everyone of them.
I have become judgemental. I am surrounded by MLCer and I refuse to have anything to do with them. in a way, it is sad because they are struggling as much as the LBS. I will associate with the LBS and their family without hesitation. I see injustice and I get upset and feel the need to address it. As a mother of fact, I just did, at work. I stood up for myself and other co- workers. As a result, my boss looks up to me and wants my opinion on many business related issues. He ask for my thought and vision for the future of the store. Those are all positives. The final word and decision is his. BUT, by standing up for myself, someone else got fired. That, I don' t like. Peace is restored and the staff is no longer on edge and fighting but I can' t help feeling sorry and responsible for the stuggle of this particular ex-employee.
In life, there are good days, bad days, hi and lows, luck and bad luck, rain and sunshine. On my bad days, I call it that: one of those days. on good days: Wow, What a day!!!!!! All of us are good and bad. It is in us. I am working on my judgement of others. Including judging myself.
