Where am I now

[Sotto]

Hi Mia, I'm sorry you had a rough day yesterday. It must have been hard to go to their new place like that. I can understand you feeling upset...hopefully the first time will be the worst and you will feel a little better each time you go.

As for starting to hate your H...the way I think about it is I would truly rather be me than him. I don't think the MLCer has it easy by any means. Firstly (given the place they are in) they don't tend to attract grounded, mature and sensible OPs - people like that would tend to give them a wide berth. So, they end up living in pretty poor R's with partners who struggle to manage their own issues etc. Also, they face censure for being the one to break up their families too - plus they are struggling with their own depression, a feature that runs throughout MLC.

For XH, I try to take a compassionate view. I can see that he must have felt in an unhappy place to drop such a bomb on his life and his M. Yes I was hurt in that process (and that's for me to deal with) but it is also sad that he became so unhappy. I don't think I was the central cause of his unhappiness and I don't think he took constructive steps to deal with his own unhappiness either - but that's all on him. I do try to remember that our feelings for each other were real and that we had some happy times too and I do value those. I try not to think of our M as a mistake - just that it was part of my journey..

I guess in time the emotions settle and we can get to a more balanced view of our situation. In that, we hopefully learn a lot about ourselves and what we want too. For me, it has really helped to understand what happens for people during MLC and see that our story is pretty similar to that of others.

The main thing is to work towards peace and happiness in our own lives - whatever choice the MLCer may make - but it does take time to reach that point.

Hope you have a better weekend Mia xx