had a rough night last night. roommate came home really late, around 11pm. (I watched her daughters) since I am under the kitchen / living room so it gets really noisy with the walking around. Roommate was cleaning kitchen and getting work done. This impedes me from sleeping, as I am a light sleeper. Not only that, the girls wake up around 6am which means I wake up because they literally run from one end to the other. I was tired, crabby, got emotional I just wanted to sleep. I haven't been sleeping super well, yes even with a bed. the thoughts that went through my head were more or less... why do I have to have it difficult. I'm not the one that walked away from my M. I can't sleep, I sleep on a couch (at least did for 5 months) W has a nice expensive bed (we purchased about a year ago) W never has trouble sleeping, hard sleeper, can literally fall asleep anywhere within 5 min. Just wondering why I got the short end of the stick. thennnnn this morning get a text W-morning. you'll be picking D up and taking to soccer correct? me- morning yes I'm taking D to her first soccer game tomorrow b/c W has school. W- so i'm in class 10-4 then we are planning to go somewhere after. would you like to keep her til i'm done? or should i let the neighbor know that you will drop her off" me - i'd be happy to spend all day with her.
first this along with everything today rubs me the wrong way. she has NO complications. free sitters. all the time. everyone helps her out. "single mother" pisses me off!!!! when we were together I had to pay for a sitter. I worked my tail off for them and she just gets rid of me and gets stuff handed to her. She's going on this vacation with D and her friends, She is living a good life despite no income (how? IDK!) I'm almost jealous, her life is certainly better without me. and i'm left with nothing. WTF. I'm so hurt and angry. I'm balancing GAL and Work and school and living without MY family / the future WE had planned.
how is this fair?! I'm sooooo tired, physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted.. I want to run away. I hate this. Why does it feel like I'm the one got screwed? I'm trying my VERY BEST day in and day out. And no matter what I find myself in this hole. This needs to be over. Idk how much longer I can take.
