Progress is slow but does happen!

[AndrewP]

PacLove

On the "rings" and dating thing what has held me back other than my commitment to W are the facts that it could be used against me "look at him - he's eviiil" and the possible impact on any NG if she decides to turn towards me.

I've been very limited in my conversation with W, usually tactical in nature with very few words... I'm wondering if this is somehow backfiring on me though - one of our challenges pre BD was that we didn't communicate well and I think she found that I was boring and not fun to be around.

Wondering how I can perhaps shift this perception, I know one of the golden rules is to not initiate conversation, but if I don't how can I demonstrate some level of change?

When she's around it's like we both avoid each other and say the bare minimum possible. It definitely creates a tense environment... Even though I'm acting very friendly and happy - especially around my D.

With our kids being grown I have no opportunities to interact with W. She has only contacted "me" once since she moved out (a text about an accident in the village - following up on a text from me the prior day). I've sent her a few messages about "tactical" things as well as one email where I added on some words of love and comfort. Silence in return.

No clue from me on "is this working" as well and I hate feeling that I'm not doing all I possibly can to pull her back to me. That's where DBing is so counter-intuitive but on one side makes sense. She has to "want" to come back without being dragged or it's not real enough. It has to be her choice and not forced through circumstances. Thinking of it that way helps but the silence is deafening.

I'm fortunate that I have some great vets posting on my thread who assure me that she does know that I love her and want her to come hope and that she's watching me. I've found indications as well that she "is" indeed watching me "very" closely but that could just be her paranoia