Quote: So what does she 'nag' you about? Does she like you washing the cars? Mowing the lawn? Taking out the garbage? What? If she doesn't nag you about doing things, what does she nag you about?
Corri
Okay, I STILL don't know what she nags me about, but here is one thing I've come to realize:
Major difference between me and W. The scene is the two of us sitting on the couch in the evening, watching TV. I'll replay this scene twice, once for each of us, to show how we each handle the sitch. The trigger is, one of us needs a kleenex, and they are in the other room. Me first:
Tim needs a kleenex: (tim gets up and gets himself a kleenex)
W needs a kleenex: W: "Honey, can you get up and go get me a kleenex please?"
Of course, I didn't "just notice this"... that'd be pretty dense of me. This has been true FOREVER... since the VERY earliest days of our R. If I need something, I'll get up and go get it. If she needs something, she'll ask ME to go get it, often with a whiny sound to her voice. In my belief system, if I were to ask her to get me something, I would be maltreating her - treating her as a servant, and not respecting her as a human being. I don't usually resent her asking me for "service" like this, but SOMETIMES I have to admit I DO. The epiphany came last night... she had put the tea kettle on, and had gone to make her tea. She was having a hot-cross bun (home-made earlier in the week) with it. She knows that I will always have a dessert like that when she does, and she was in the process of getting it for me. When I knew it was almost prepared, I came into the kitchen to pour my own milk and bring the bun and milk into the LR.
W: I would have brought it for you. Me: I know... W: Well, why didn't you just wait? Me: I don't like to make you bring it... that's "mean"
I was half-joking, but ONLY half. I DO believe this... I am NOT an AOS-oriented person, and not only does it NOT do anything for me on the love-scale, but it makes me uncomfortable as well. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not ALWAYS as anal about these things, and yes, there ARE times when I allow her to do these things, but I always feel like she resents it. Like, "I do all the housework, and you also want me to do THIS for you?" Probably MY hangup...
