Out of in house S - On My Own (11)

[vise82]

Hey,

Looks like detaching has helped me,

Yesterday boys start going into how their mom needs to get a truck so that when they sleep over OM house in the country in the winter they wont get stuck. This is the fist I heard his name. SO I ask the kids who? They repeat then say that their mom is going to show more pictures of his house and that he has a 16 year old son that is going to give them rides on dirt bikes.

The news was unsettling but it did not affect me that much.

I am guessing she has just met this guy, kids know about him, She has told me nothing.

So I text her asking about him and who he is, she asks why. I reply Really?

She asks me to be more specific. So she is not wanting to tell me. I ask again in your life who is he to you. She asks again why.

I tell her what kids told me and that W and OM must be serious if he is meeting the boys and that I wanted to know why its ok for this guy who she just met can visit with the boys but my brother and his new baby cant.

She down plays it saying she is just talking to this guy and its nothing serious, that the kids just read a text and that how they know about him.

Well kids did more then that, and they told me more but I did not tell her that.

She is lying to me again. Why who knows.

I did write another text say that she is lying and that kids did tell me more and that this is not how I should be finding out stuff from her through the kids.

But I have not sent it.

Part of me wants to get angry but why, there is nothing to get angry about we are no longer together, She can date who ever she wants. The only sticky part is we still are technically married. But I don't know if I even see us as married right now.

If I had the money I would let her know that I was going to put in the paper work to get that piece of paper. The whole three people in the marriage thing doesn't work for me, but she does not even see us as together anymore so that would be a formality.

Do I still see us as married? sort of. Practically no we're far from it. It depends on what is the proper way to act during a separation? Is it to be single and date and have relationships or is it a time to be by yourself to reflect work on yourself and make a decision on weather you want to go to that final step of ending the MR?

So I want to use this fact that I know that she is dating and has told me to talk to her about us. Confirming that it is the end as she has started dating. I know what the answer is, but to get it out in the open and to end it on her actions. I don't think I will do the talk but its tempting.

I think I have realized that I don't want her anymore but I don't know if that is me telling myself that to protect myself from heart ache. That is what I feel. And its sad because I read about so many that are fighting for the MR. I feel I have done that, and have left no stone unturned.

So W asked me to give her the class list to her because she is having a party for S4 with all his kids in his class.

We talked about it and I said no to us throwing a party together , I don't have the money to spend on that right now. So she is going ahead with it. Now it would have been better if she agreed with me but no now that makes me look bad. Even when we were together we could not afford it.

So it looks like he is going to get 3 birthday parties. One from me, one from W and one from W parents.