Divorce. Thanks Obama

[Surfer]

I mean, you can maybe even get around one of these, MWD says that all long term marriages have 3-5 unresolveable issues that people just have to accept and let go of, daily.

If you think of friendships in this context...you have friends that have "issues", large, small - whatever. For example, I have a friend who had 4 kids with his g/f yet affairs all over (I also have friends that have been in prison and friends that do drugs - I do none of these things - people have issues, they are not perfect). Anyway, I told this friend, I didn't agree with his affairs but did I drop him, no. He straightened himself out and married the mother of his 4 kids. No more affairs.

I also have 'normal friends' people who are IT boffins, Professionals, Doctors, Mums, Dads etc. BTW.

My point is this though (I may be making it badly). In a friendship you tend to be more forgiving due to the distance in your relationship. Whereas in a M proximity makes those 3-5 issues grind up against you/your S constantly. The point here is about how relaxed you and your S are regarding those issues. Can you just stand back and say, 'yes, but I love them anyway'? One of these problems is a post affair scenario. Can you forgive? My friends W did, many others do. Can I, can you, can your S? The million dollar question. Depends on who you are. If you can can they change and can you? There is something dysfunctional about you and your S as individuals when together. If those 3-5 issues are there, do you 'need' to change or do they 'need' to accept you? If they can't accept you, should you change or should you move on to someone that can accept you 'warts and all'?

Just thoughts. Personally, my W wants to spend an awful lot of time with her friends and puts their opinions and respect before mine. I don't want that. I also have not put her first at all times. We both kind of did the same thing. I don't think she can change and I don't want that kind of R. We did used to put each other first but there is no relationship with disrespect. So unless that respect comes back the R is not. That's my choice. I refuse to change to accept a disrespectful wife. However, in the meantime I am working being more respectful of my W.

In terms of "not being blessed with the M you want." You might not be right now but what's to stop you getting what you want in life. Trust me, it's out there unless you want something inanely weird.

Apologies for the ramblings!

Surfer.