Cherry. H is filing and leaving. Working on me

[SH_]

Lovely SH. Don't worry, this is just journaled and a spot of venting, I haven't allowed myself to think in detail of the situation. Yesterday felt like the close of a chapter and an opening of a new one. I allowed myself to truly accept the situation and that I was letting him go. I even took the step to tell my family the truth, I have been in denial and kept it a great secret. Of course they were ever so supportive. My parents are good people, there will be no projection of anger about him and their focus is on mine and my children's wellbeing. Letting go of him has allowed me to speak to him without getting too emotional either in anger or tears. I have actually had more level headed conversation with him.

As my good friend surfer advised to me, I need to let go of wh, I don't want him. And if h ever returns, well then we will talk. But in the meantime I need to keep things together.

I found MIL trashing wh's room. With some rather stern talking, I managed to get her to stop. I emphasised that this needs to be a loving and calm environment for my children, and if it can't be then I need to leave and create this. I said I would have to tell wh and they would need to talk. I asked him to call me when he got a moment. I told him I was calling him, not to stir or interfere but they need to talk their differences through. I explained to him about the emphasis on calm for the children. He said his m does not care for him, I explained that wasn't true, she was showing anger in her emotions to do that, and that she would be indifferent if she didn't care. I told him I had put everything straight in there. He thanked me for calming her and stopping her. And thanked me because as he said "if anyone should be doing that it should be you". Perhaps he is right, but I like to think of wether my actions will help, and most importantly- what kind of behaviour am I portraying to my child that is acceptable?! He told me that he had a hard busy day, I validated. Told me his evening plans, and plans for tomorrow. He told me he really appreciated that I was being sensible in this.

I think this is somewhat answering your questions SH for my day.

My plans for the day is get some paperwork together to prepare for his leave. Who I need to notify etc, changing of details, next of kin, will etc.
To be a great mum? Well I got up and put my problems to the back of my mind while I care for my child. And have fun and play, protect him from any of the craziness. And to be a woman only a fool would leave? Well I think I showed that earlier, I think many people would join in or leave Someone be whilst their stbx's stuff is trashed. I showed him that I was capable of having an adult conversation with him.

I had my day to mourn and now we move forward. I can't control him, but I can control that I don't deal with a situation in anger, I shall deal with it with some poise and grace. Anger is just bad for the soul, drinking poison and hoping for the other person to die.

This is good to hear.
I do like the poison quote....boy does that have meaning for me...

You have come a long way and are doing a great job of it all.

(((Cherry)))