Five Years Ago Today

[tadpole1025]

Hello everyone. It has been a while since I last posted. I've stayed away because thee is nothing new in my sitch and because it is too heartbreaking to read all the new threads from newbies. I've titled this thread "The Long Goodbye" because unless something drastic happens in my sitch, this will likely be my last thread since there is simply nothing new to report.

For the newbies who may want to read my story from the beginning, my very first post (started February 2011) can be found here:

25 years Gone....?

I want to start by saying thank you to everyone who has ever posted to me, messaged me and friended me on FB and some who have even spoken to me on the phone. I would love to mention names, but won't because I don't want to forget anyone. You know who you are and I THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART!

UPDATES:

XW - We do not talk. My sons told me that she was in a really bad accident a few weeks ago and totaled her car. She claims that she doesn't remember what happened. She is working her third job in less than two years. I can't even remember when I saw her or spoke to her last. It's been more than a year.

Sons

S30 is living with his GF and is expecting a baby in November. It will be my first grandchild. He is currently not speaking to XW.

S25 is currently living with his GF. Talks to XW occasionally.

S23 and S21 are sharing an apartment and talk to XW once every two or three weeks. S23 still has not met OM.

As for me....

I've been living alone since May. It took a little getting used to, but I enjoy it. I come and go as I please and don't have to answer to anyone. It's nice.

I don't talk to any of my former radio friends with the occasional message on FB. My one friend that I still talk to is my best friend. He lives in Florida and flies to Arizona once or twice a year to visit.

I do have friends at work but that is all they are: friends at WORK. One of them, a lady friend that I have mentioned in previous threads, is really cool, but we have no relationship outside of work. I've been to her place one time because she wanted to show me her new place, but that is it.

I pretty much keep to myself. I prefer it that way. I'd love to have someone to do things with, but I'm ok if that never happens.

This entire experience has changed me. I'm not even sure how to explain it. It seems that I have "settled down" (whatever that means.) It's the best way to describe it though. I feel like I have become the person that I was mean to be. I'm a better person. I've sort of turned into a recluse which is a far stretch from my radio days. There is a "calmness" about me and I sometimes wonder if I went through "something" myself. I am very different from the man I was 5 years ago.

I've developed a love/compassion for animals. I visit the park once a week and feed the Geese. I actually look forward to it. It gives me time away from work and home and gives me a chance to think and reflect. And just be me.

I've picked up photography as a hobby. A friend at work gave me a really nice camera. I enjoy it. It gets me away from everything. In the past month, I've been to the park a few times, a Butterfly garden and two zoos. Haha. I really enjoy taking pictures of animals and have posted a lot of them on my FB page. I've received quite a few compliments on them. I enjoy it a lot.

That is pretty much it.



Again, I just wanted to thank everyone. I will be back to check in from time to time. I'm taking a break from the boards, but not for good. Just for now....

Finally, for the newbies. All I can tell you is to read, read, read. Come to this site to vent. The advice you get here is priceless. People will tell you that it gets better. You won't believe them, but it does.

Thanks for reading.

Tad