Cherry. H is filing and leaving. Working on me

[bigybiz]

Cherry:

I've taken another approach. I've left everything in the house the way it is but, I've started adding new items that illustrate the growth and change the kids and I have been experiencing since WW/WAW/MLC moved out. So there are new pictures up, new household items, lots of home improvements. I'm choosing to look at it as we are not removing her from our history, but putting a spotlight on the new chapter.

Just the approach I've chosen to take.

Do what works for you.

[Cherry]

That's a good idea, I've a few new pictures of me and S's adventures. I'm going to leave some photos, s likes to look at them. And I don't want to pretend he never existed, that's the father of my child, to a degree I will always possibly love him for that reason. Home improvements are definitely in my plans, me and wh were planning on them before, so I don't see why I shouldn't go ahead and sort some things out by myself.

The pictures I removed in my room were loved up ones of the two of us, and seeing that look of happiness in his eyes, both our eyes was just a little too painful to regularly see

[Cherry]

Add to my list of things I've done- had my hair and highlights sorted

One thing done for me. I don't know if it qualifies as a GAL activity. But made me feel a little better.

[bigybiz]

It's totally GAL. I have not had a hair cut in 6 months and I had my curls "relaxed". It's so GAL.

[SH_]

Lovely SH. Don't worry, this is just journaled and a spot of venting, I haven't allowed myself to think in detail of the situation. Yesterday felt like the close of a chapter and an opening of a new one. I allowed myself to truly accept the situation and that I was letting him go. I even took the step to tell my family the truth, I have been in denial and kept it a great secret. Of course they were ever so supportive. My parents are good people, there will be no projection of anger about him and their focus is on mine and my children's wellbeing. Letting go of him has allowed me to speak to him without getting too emotional either in anger or tears. I have actually had more level headed conversation with him.

As my good friend surfer advised to me, I need to let go of wh, I don't want him. And if h ever returns, well then we will talk. But in the meantime I need to keep things together.

I found MIL trashing wh's room. With some rather stern talking, I managed to get her to stop. I emphasised that this needs to be a loving and calm environment for my children, and if it can't be then I need to leave and create this. I said I would have to tell wh and they would need to talk. I asked him to call me when he got a moment. I told him I was calling him, not to stir or interfere but they need to talk their differences through. I explained to him about the emphasis on calm for the children. He said his m does not care for him, I explained that wasn't true, she was showing anger in her emotions to do that, and that she would be indifferent if she didn't care. I told him I had put everything straight in there. He thanked me for calming her and stopping her. And thanked me because as he said "if anyone should be doing that it should be you". Perhaps he is right, but I like to think of wether my actions will help, and most importantly- what kind of behaviour am I portraying to my child that is acceptable?! He told me that he had a hard busy day, I validated. Told me his evening plans, and plans for tomorrow. He told me he really appreciated that I was being sensible in this.

I think this is somewhat answering your questions SH for my day.

My plans for the day is get some paperwork together to prepare for his leave. Who I need to notify etc, changing of details, next of kin, will etc.
To be a great mum? Well I got up and put my problems to the back of my mind while I care for my child. And have fun and play, protect him from any of the craziness. And to be a woman only a fool would leave? Well I think I showed that earlier, I think many people would join in or leave Someone be whilst their stbx's stuff is trashed. I showed him that I was capable of having an adult conversation with him.

I had my day to mourn and now we move forward. I can't control him, but I can control that I don't deal with a situation in anger, I shall deal with it with some poise and grace. Anger is just bad for the soul, drinking poison and hoping for the other person to die.

This is good to hear.
I do like the poison quote....boy does that have meaning for me...

You have come a long way and are doing a great job of it all.

(((Cherry)))

[Surfer]

Also am I really the only one who has crossed into the no fly zone of the bed!!

No, you are not alone - I go there to fart!!

Only Joking, its Friday!!! I actually do sleep on that side of the bed on caisson, didn't at first. But the prospect of a cold pillow when you are warm, well, you just can't refuse that!!!

Surfer.

[Surfer]

Wow Cherry. Just caught up on the room trashing.

Absolutely solid performance - from you and your MIL

Very impressed. I see only good things happening at the moment for you!!!

Well done. Keep it up.

Surfer.

[Cherry]

Thank you guys. As hard as this situation feels at times, I do also feel that while not happy about it, I've kind of let go of my grip of him. This is all going through and nothing will change that. I just need to concentrate on making sure me and the kids will be okay.

We have moved forward into a more positive interaction stage, which is somewhat better and calmer, especially for S to witness. Wh has taken to checking how I'm doing, seeming concerned that I am not eating enough (I eat what i can manage but with severe sickness is difficult), and asking if I'm stressing, can he take any of the stress away from me, can he help me. He asked me if we could sit together for breakfast, I agreed. We had some general "none R" talk. When I said I was going out, he quizzed me a bit on "where are you going and why". I did kind of bite my tongue a little to say that it really isn't any of his concern or his business, I said that I just needed to run some errands.

This is hard in a way, I do feel sad that my m is about to come to a close. But I am glad that we can at least talk right now, this is definitely some progress. And what better way to someone what they are loosing than be the absolute best version of me. No one would miss the crazy woman screaming, but someone sensible who is capable of still being civil and a good person even at times like this, well she may well be the girl you'd be a fool to loose

[Surfer]

well she may well be the girl you'd be a fool to loose

I really think he might be starting to see this......watch this space....

Surfer.

[Cherry]

I think you're right. He's taken to coming to my room and sitting with me while he looks at flats. He has his head in his hands and I WANT to help him and comfort him. But he has fired me as if wife, and he says this is what he wants. I'm not going to help him break my family.