Hi Tim, I'm so happy that the C is a good fit with your wife! That is great. Hope a lot of good comes out of it.
You know, I wanted to set forth an idea for ya. It seems like you are a passenger in your marriage. Not a pilot or even a co-pilot but some guy in the back seat who goes where the vehicle is going.
Regarding the kids, well, they are YOUR kids too. What is stopping you from sitting the W down and saying "You know, I think it is good that we have given them so much but I am ready for them to learn some independence. Starting tomorrow, I am teaching DD20 to drive. Then I will look into a used car for her and her brother to share." Etc. If a situation is going on in YOUR house that you don't like, then why not take the bull by the horns and encourage some change? I know that your wife is excessively controlling but, really, you don't even have to involve her. Just approach DD some time about the prospect of driving and getting some wheels. W can either be there or not.
It seems like you go along with her to keep the peace, but at what price? Why does it seem like it would be easier for you to end the entire marriage than to stand up to her and say, We are not driving the kids around any longer. Furthermore, they are now responsible for their own laundry and ironing.
Also, I think it is good to remember that women are not really attracted to men who they run roughshod over. The heroes in the romance novels are always these brash, overbearing, bossy azzholes and the heroines eat it up. NOT that you should try that approach, lol, but I think that after your W got over her initial shock of you taking charge of certain aspects of your lives, she would really react well to the change.
