cheesyt 3 -adjusting to new life

[NYGal]

Cheesyt, put yourself in W's shoes. She's about to graduate, that's both a victory and a loss. New job? Marriage up in the air. D loves you and W knows it. She knows you're good for D. But W is confused. Doesn't know what she wants.

IMHO, next time don't engage with her in this back and forth about what time, where, etc. Think of a way to cut it short. Very short. Don't plead with her to listen. Say what you need to say, calmly -- very calmly. If she flies off the handle, listen. Listen. Listen. Then if what she says isn't something you agree with, like in this situation, say what you need to say and be firm. "I would like to keep D with me until you get home. Text me when you get there and I'll drop her off."

And IDK if it makes a difference, but maybe you don't eat the food and thank her for it. Maybe you're just so busy? Maybe you aren't hungry because you are about to have or just had dinner with a friend?

Again, IMHO, the important thing here is to never, ever let it dissolve into a scene where she gets emotional. And if she does, let her rant and rave, listen listen listen, be calm and firm. Remember, you get to decide things too. You are a co-parent. You don't have to always do what W says about D. Calm and firm. Stand up for yourself. Calm and firm. Don't challenge when you don't need to. And if you agree with what she suggests, acknowledge that it's a good plan and stick with it. But if plans/times change, just go with the flow. You two seem to bicker a lot over what time things are supposed to happen. Be very careful to adhere to the times you've agreed to with picking up D, etc. But if W changes the time, like last night, just go with it. No questions asked. You're too busy with your own life, right?

And remember, no begging her to "just listen". Say what you need to say, and move on. Keep it short and sweet. You're in charge of your own life, not her.