Child support, still not figured out, 3 1/2 months since the D paperwork was filed.
xW still hasn't set up the coparenting counseling. My part is done, I met with the IC, my atty wrote up the amendment to the OFP, all she has to do is sign it and return it, and have her IC call me. 3 weeks has passed and nothing. I am guessing she is backing out, it was possibly her atty suggesting it as a card to use against me, I called the bluff, they backed down, making them look bad instead. I don't do "revenge", but I do love to let the game play out and let "karma" take care of it.... only problem, karma takes sooo long!
The kids and I are doing great. Having GF around helps a little, when she is there, but things go just fine even without her.... verifying it's not a "need" after all. Definitely makes me feel good when I succeed.
My job is on the line, no fault of my own. I have another possibility lined up, but having the added stress isn't helpful. For some reason the occasional lack of job security has never brought me down, not sure why I am so strong about that issue, so weak about the xW leaving me issue!
So, things are changing every day with GF. We've talked a lot about M. She has told me many times that she is ready when I am. She originally talked about wanting an engagement ring, she started looking, and then decided she didn't care about the engagement ring, only the wedding ring. So, Saturday night, I proposed, she joyfully accepted. And it has gone down hill since. She decided she was embarrassed to tell people she was engaged, when she didn't have a ring!!! WTH? She then backpedaled further, stating that she wants me to get to know more of her friends and family, she wants more acceptance from them. I already have been spending time with her parents and a couple occasions with her brothers, and quite a bit of time with her D17 & D19. I spent a few hours working on her D17's car, with D17, teaching her things, having her help, etc. Her D17 has spent a fair amount of time at my house, has gotten pretty comfortable there. We have gotten fairly close. GF spends time with my kids and is great with them, the kids love spending time with her.
This morning it clicked... I was thinking about V's post back on page 2 of this thread, about dating too soon. I spent a lot of time making sure I wasn't falling into the trap, avoiding the patterns, etc... but I never looked at if GF is falling into that pattern. GF seemed so strong, so confident, happy to be on her own, with her own home, almost excited to be single. But I think there are underlying issues going on. She was D'd 6 years ago. It was less than a year after her D when she started dating the first person, it didn't last long, and she moved on to the next one. She was with the next one over 5 years, she says it started out good, but then realized he was a manipulator, spent the last 2 years of that R trying to get out. Apparently not trying very hard if it took 2 years! She finally had to get an order against him to get him to stop threatening her. She never introduced him to her parents, or friends, in 5 five years! She says over and over what a mistake it was being with him. So then why was she with him? I think I know why, unfortunately! Neediness?!
GF was barely officially broken up with him when we started talking. I thought that since she was trying to get out for 2 years, and that they didn't spend much time together, that her emotional attachment was gone, and she was OK to start a new R. Maybe not?!
There have been a lot of mixed messages from GF in the 3 months we have been dating. My concern was that she was saying what I wanted to hear, falling into a pattern of what she would do in an abusive relationship, so I asked questions often to make sure she felt safe sharing with me. We always talked through things, and our R improved because of it.
But today I think GF has a lack of self trust, that is why she is looking for so much acceptance from others. She has said that after her last R, which was such a bad choice, she knew it was wrong because she never wanted him to meet her family, and that is why she now doesn't trust herself. Well, her lack of self trust has now made it impossible for me to trust her, as her answers to pointed questions keep changing.
I went back through V's list, thinking about if GF fits any of them... and she fits pretty much every single one!
Now what? Wait to see if she comes out of it on her own? How will I know? Keep dating her? Slow things down? Stay friends? Walk away completely? Run as fast as I can?
