More confused than before

[Surfer]

Getting even! Duh...

[Cherry]

This forum can sometimes be a place which can trigger bad thoughts; and other times it can be an absolute godsend and a great place for us to talk and support people going through similar things.

Hope all has gone well this week, including the trip to the oncologist.

Sending thoughts prayers and love

[Buxom]

Very up and down week but I was thinking more positive overall. Then today we each had counseling spots and he said he had some ah ha moments he needed to think about before he shared with me. He's gone off to think and reflect right now

Why is my first reaction always panic? Such fatalistic thinking that it's all about to end and he will announce his decision.
I'm so worn down I will just agree and be done.

Have to wait two weeks now before we decide if I need another biopsy.
I have too much on my plate and I am wanting some of it resolved just either way.

[Buxom]

WH is transparent of late. And the he started drinking again. I'm heart broken and scared it will worsen. Then I will have to walk away with my D. My S is already talking about leaving home.
If one more thing lands on my plate I may have a breakdown.

[Cherry]

I'm so sorry you are going through all this whilst you have all the health worries on your mind too. It's really not fair. It's easier said than done, but try not to worry. He has already said some of the most hurtful things he could say to his wife, that he wants a divorce. If he goes away and thinks and comes back and says it, although it will hurt, it's really not anything new. This is the way someone put it across to me. And I found that really helpful to control the anxiety, worrying thoughts.

The fact that he is drinking again shows that he is having a hard time about something. This is all his chaos and all about him. Just keep the focus on you, meet with friends, take yourself for a pamper- anything that will make you smile. This is all we can do in these situations, we didn't break them, so we cannot fix them

[Buxom]

Ever grateful to hear from you Cherry!! Thank you! What u say is all true. I know the drinking is a symptom of his finally dealing with the incest and last week having to be at his dad's taking care of him while his siblings just caved. Sicko family!
Broke my heart tonight to hear S19 say his dad asked him for booze today.
WH has not mentioned divorce since the blow out June 25. If he says it again I'm going to call his bluff and agree.

[Buxom]

Things keep piling on my already overloaded plate. I was just entering my art therapy class with my breast cancer group and I get a flurry of texts from WH. He had to deal with a suicidal student today and needed support. What a dilemma! My therapy group or his crisis. I told him I'd call him later. I called him at break and he was already withdrawing back from me. I feel guilty that he showed the vulnerability and reached out to me and I put him on hold. I hope he doesn't go back into his self absorbed shell. He is very near a breakdown and risking his job on top of his family. I hate this so much!!

[Buxom]

Bizarre question....
Anyone here have the WS announce they are gay and would want to stay married but see other men?

[MrBond]

I've seen a few of those situations here over the years. And even some hetero couples where the WAS says they don't want to D but don't want to do anything or the LBS and have them pay all their bills.

[Buxom]

Feel so hopeless!! I suspect he's suicidal but he says he's fine. My gut and his stonewalling and mood are too much like his last serious attempt that sent him to hospital. He's shutting me out which I was used too until the mood and his depression worsened and it now doesn't feel like WH but someone whose given up.