Detachment and the end of limbo, sort of...too

[SH_]

I'm OK, SH. No broken hearts required on my behalf.

To late, we be friends and when I see you hurt, a tiny crack will always take place in my heart for you.
But it adds character and strength to the old ticker as we heal it up.

I'm getting pretty good at forgetting and forgiving. Things are back to normal with L-friend. Last night I was having a really crummy evening and just tapped out whatever was on my mind. I regret writing that line you quoted, but I set it free in the world and I can't pull it back.

My dear Phoebe.
Don't regret anything that you have done. Regret is for those things that we have not done.
It was in your mind and releasing it is not a bad nor harmful thing. You did it in a safe place.
I do caution you though as the back and forth with your L friend does send up some red flags.
I pray that you are monitoring this in a manner that the back and forth does not start to feel like the norm.
I know you know that is not a healthy relationship in any sense of the word.

Today was really vary blah, and included yet another person asking me a MR-related question about myself. This person was kind of complaining about his 17 year anniversary tonight and wondering if I knew where he was coming from. He asked if I'd ever been married. I hesitated, and then he asked if I was still married, which was even more awkward because I was out on a boat with him and l-friend. Ummmm. Yes to both questions, technically. I did say that I loved being married, however, in answer to his wondering about my feelings about marriage, in general.

I love the blah days. That tends to mean a lack of emotion and is a good place for a moment after the flood of uncontrollable ones.
HA! You should send the complainer of his 17 year anniversary in here for a moment and he would get a good slap around told to knock it off and goenjoy the MR he has.
But you know. Take for granted what you have until it's gone and all.

, it reminded me again of my MR disaster for the second night in a row, and that it is still an ongoing process, when all I really want is to be living my own life now. Yes, I'm still married, but quite far into a pretty grim divorce, and I just don't feel married any longer. I stood for my M the best I could until WH made it abundantly clear that he was finished. His fantasy life for the last few years was to be divorced, and he made that happen. It wasn't my choice to end our M, but it IS my choice to go on living.

Yes, your choice to go on living. That is exactly what you need to do.
And you are doing it.

After I talked to l-friend about last night, the evening got a lot better.

You are 100% right, however SH. The boundaries we agreed to are smudged, and/or have gone missing altogether. Was it too soon to be in a R? Absolutely. Do I regret it? Honestly - no, I really don't. Maybe I will, but not right now. My therapist calls it a transitional relationship for both of us, and says that it is possible for that to benefit both of us if we are able to keep our communication open and honest. I hope that turns out to be the case.

Don't lose sight of boundaries. You know this now.
I still think you are jumping back into the game to soon after such an emotional injury.
But, there are those that do it and it works out, so I will never judge.
I will support you and call out what I see, but you know I support you and will be here for you through the breakdowns of last night and the good times of tomorrow.

Not sure what I think of a "transitional relationship".
Sounds....well.....anyway.
I of course had to seek out info on this as I read this.
Have you looked up the term?
I won't go into what I have read, but I gotta say, I'm not on board with a therapist, um, approving something like this.
Communication is always key. I pray this will be the bond to maintaining the balance for you and for him as well.
Anyway, you are a big girl. And I trust you to be wise and care for your needs.
I'll throw a 2x4 at you only when you are to close to the edge.

No matter what else happens, I just plain feel like myself again a lot of the time. Not a shell of myself like I felt before, but the real me. That's not because of l-friend, or because he makes me forget the reality of my situation, but rather because my time with him has reminded me that there are other people out there besides WH with whom I can be compatible.

Yes, this is true. I still wold encourage that you think about a little time away from it, to truly prove that you have healed up and can live without it. That is a big key for being able to get into a relationship with your eyes wide open.
I still perceive that the timing of you coming out of the funky fog is tied to him.
Kinda like the pain pills after a bad injury. One feels like they are healed up and ready to go, until the don't have the pills.
Only when you can go without the security of it, will you know you truly healed and in a good place for a relationship.
Think on that.
Think big picture.

I talked to l-friend about how he it seems that he is theoretically able to understand my grief, but less able to deal with actually seeing it. He said that was probably an accurate assessment.

Can I just say as a man, I say I understand my D18's breakdowns due to her periods.
Watching it is a whole other thing though.
It's how we men are hard wired.
Not his fault.
He is trying.
Not as easy to do as we say it is.

Today, while being kind of blah, ended well enough, so I'm pleased overall. I got my final revisions done on my two major legal documents, so I made appreciable progress. I still have the final net worth statement to hammer out, but that's purely formatting nonsense, and all the information is already written down and ready to go.

YAY! A blah day and some productivity.
Now that is a win for sure.

I don't know that I am willing to take a month off from l-friend, SH, but I will certainly take your thoughts into consideration.

I hope that you will think on it.
What do you have to lose by trying i?
After the time you pick right up where you left off and all is well, or worse case scenario, you see that maybe you have become attached for reasons that may not help you in the long run.
Even a week or two can help you see with some clarity.
Unhealthy attachment happens while most folks are saying they have it all under control.
The whole, if you love something let it go........
But anyway, I have said my peace, and we don't beat horses around here. They never did us no harm.
I will not bring it up further as I want you to continue to share and not feel any judgement from me nor anyone else.

Well, I'm too tired to think any longer, so I'm going to have to call it a night. SH, I will keep gong on this thought train when I'm a bitter rested.

Goodnight to all my lovelies!

Love the typos.
Adds personality to the posts.
And some fun times interpreting things. LOL

Sleep well my friend.

You are doing well and I love that you are in a good place overall.

(((((Phoebe)))))