Ahem. First post here and I'll explain my sitch later when I have more time (unfortunately, I'm a probable walkaway wife even though sex has been a very good thing in our marriage). Just had to chime in about the AG and the whole discussion about using it only on menopausal women. C'mon guys, imagine it on that very important part of your anatomy while your wife uses her hands. Beats spit (don't know if that's what most men use, but my husband once said that's what he used when taking care of himself alone). My husband immediately comes to attention when he hears me open the nightstand drawer. I also remember reading somewhere about a woman who said she'd call her husband at work and put the bottle next to the phone so he could hear her flip open the top. She didn't have to worry about him coming home late (Pavlov's dog, anyone?).
BTW, Tim, go ahead and taste it; it really has no taste or aftertaste that I've noticed (just be sure that it's AG or some other lubricant that's similar and nontoxic). I have no problem using it on my husband while using my hands and mouth; and we've been using it for several years.
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. Will Rogers
To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. C. S. Lewis
DB, It depends for me. If we haven't had sex for a month (god forbid) then heck no I will not need anything. But if we have sex 4 times per week (which we often do) and are exhausted from caring for our two little kids, we have a tendency to break out the lube instead of going for extended foreplay to accomplish the same thing. It is a life stage thing for us--someday when the rugrats are not so exhausting (yeah, like when they move out, ha ha) we will presumably have more time to devote to getting me wet naturally.
P.S. Tim, YES the AG is just like natural wetness! Love the stuff!
Ummm, thanks, michlynn! Truthfully, I had NEVER heard of this stuff before, and likely never would have were it not for this amazing site. The things I learn here!
I left the love-note on W's pillow this morning before leaving, but this am was a bit different - she had to bring me for blood tests, then she was going home, driving S18 to school then picking me up again to drive me to work. So she found the note before she picked me up again - I was hoping she'd find it later in the day. However, she did thank me for it...
In our lunchtime phone call today, W lets me know that she wants me to help her prepare for her C on Thursday, i.e. she doesn't really know what she's gonna talk about, she wants me to help her out there. Okay....
Nightmare scenario:
C: So... how can I help you today? W: Well, I'm not really sure. H wanted me to see someone. C: Can you tell me about why he wanted you to see someone? W: He's always pestering me for sex...
I think we can all extrapolate from there. I know... I'm inventing trouble for myself. I'm trying really hard to maintain PMA here, but I'm really beginning to brace myself for a big fall in the next week. My plan is to suggest that she simply describe our sitch to the C, and hope that the C will know to ask the right questions to get the conversation off to a proper start. This is not a sex therapist, and I'm not sure what her actual qualifications are, but hopefully she'll be able to do some good. However, W will have to be motivated to participate, if any good is to come of it. I do know in our last MC, W had a real problem completing homework assignments. Hopefully history isn't about to repeat itself with a vengance...
Quote: W lets me know that she wants me to help her prepare for her C on Thursday, i.e. she doesn't really know what she's gonna talk about, she wants me to help her out there.
Batman! It's a trap!
Quote: My plan is to suggest that she simply describe our sitch to the C, and hope that the C will know to ask the right questions to get the conversation off to a proper start.
"The best laid plans of mice and men, oft go awry."
I think your Nightmare Scenario is particularly unimaginative. I can think of much worse, involving a stomping of your testicles, much blood, and tears (yours).
Hairdog, who knows a minefield when he sees it (I have three large dogs).
Quote: My plan is to suggest that she simply describe our sitch to the C, and hope that the C will know to ask the right questions to get the conversation off to a proper start.
Let me give you some advice. The C is for her, not you. She might not really realize that. Although she's asking for your feedback, you really have to let her decide what she gets out of it.
This also includes not asking her about the C after it happens. Trust me on this one. If she wants to talk about it...she will...otherwise keep in mind that this is a thing for her.
"The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." – Lao Tzu
Exactly. That has been my expectation from the start.
Quote: This also includes not asking her about the C after it happens.
Ditto - again, my plan from the beginning. As well, my fear from the beginning was that she was doing this "for me", not "for her". If that's her attitude going in, she might as well save time and not do it. Nothing good will come of it. Maybe you're right.... I need to let her know that she is going to have to do this on her own, hard as it might be. Her willingness to work at it will speak volumes...
And you're right... not asking will be the hardest thing I've ever done...
Quote: I think your Nightmare Scenario is particularly unimaginative. I can think of much worse, involving a stomping of your testicles, much blood, and tears (yours).
Well, yeah, hairdog... but I'm trying to remain optimistic here...
Tim, Yes the counseling is for her but I don't think that you pointing that out, or having a 'tude about it is going to really make her take ownership of it. I would suggest a more devious approach. After all, I am a woman and I know how to scheme. (btw, your wife is scheming her ass off in regards to that seemingly innocent question, imo)
I would say "you know, I've been thinking about your question re: the C. But first let me ask you this--what do YOU want to talk to her about?" And encourage her to talk. Her issues might not be the ones that you want addressed but if this is truly to be her counselor, then she needs to do whatever feels natural. If, however, you want this to be marriage counseling then you need to attend with her and you will have the opportunity to air your thoughts.
I think she is taking your temperature. Trying to figure out if your happy mood (because of the nookie) has eliminated any need for her to address this with the counselor. She might feel like you guys are on the right track (when you feel that you aren't even ON the track yet) and that she doesn't need to bring this up in C. But before she does this, she is trying to see if you still think there is a problem and if you will be disappointed in her if she doesn't make this a hot topic for discussion.
Ok, that is my little bit of ASSuming and mind-reading on Mrs. Tim!
Quote: She might feel like you guys are on the right track (when you feel that you aren't even ON the track yet) and that she doesn't need to bring this up in C.
BINGO!! My fear exactly.
Quote: (btw, your wife is scheming her ass off in regards to that seemingly innocent question, imo)
Yeah, I'd agree with that... again, that's why I'm expressing this uneasiness.
Quote: I would say "you know, I've been thinking about your question re: the C. But first let me ask you this--what do YOU want to talk to her about?"
Yup, that's my plan. Hope it works. I sure don't have any intentions of copping a 'tude about it... I'm just hoping she won't waste her time (and C's)... and half-expecting she will. Of course, that will initiate yet another round of effort to get the point across... (sorry, I'm living in the future... must... stop... that...)
