Furthermore, I believe that those that are saying 'you can only control you' as a way to buy into this narrative and rededicate themselves to personal growth can actually be trying to control things they can't.
I know that when I was newly registered I was all about personal growth, and I wanted to either save my marriage or make my next marriage better. But that was the point. I was desperately trying to be this Zues2.0 that I thought would ensure I would get the relationship I wanted and needed in the future.
The reality is that isn't in my control. I can do all the personal growth I want, and my next partner could still abandon me for whatever reason, or get hit by a bus.
The hardest thing for me to accept was that no matter how much I tried to grow, I might never be blessed with the relationship I want.
That doesn't make me cynical, nor am I oblivious to the law of attraction, the idea that we can influence a lot and live in a way to give ourselves the best chances of finding what we desire. I get all of that.
But when I suffer because the pure, unconditional, and all powerful love that we all crave doesn't exist in this world, rather than self-medicate by assuring myself that I will get it if I just keep reading self-help books, I'd rather just have a moment of silence for the pain and suffering that it is to be human, grow where I can but not obsessively, then do my best to enjoy what I have in my life. I'm sure there will be some good times ahead, it doesn't have to be a fairy book to be a fun and meaningful journey.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
