Divorce. Thanks Obama

[Zues126]

I appreciate that a LBS can't control their WAS, they can't control the world, and all they can control is their response. I completely agree that the LBS should learn from the experience, find ways to be appreciative for what they still have in their lives, and become the best version of themselves they can be for the future, whether single or married.

I simply don't see how that can't coexist with a passionate distaste for divorce.

I don't believe in slavery either. If I or someone I loved was enslaved, I wouldn't be able to control that. I wouldn't be able to change the world I live in. And it wouldn't benefit me for me to stew in anger every day, and let that poison my heart or overshadow the joy I have to walk this earth and celebrate what I was given by God. But does that mean I couldn't hate that part of our humanity, and speak out passionately to use my influence to try to contribute to making a better world?

I think qt is spot on in what his anger is telling him. Conditional marriages are the biggest social problem facing our culture. Of course it requires growth to be a good partner. But why is divorce defended because we hadn't grown yet? What happened to the idea of for better or worse, staying with a partner the way you ride out the highs and lows of a stock market, and realizing years later the investment was a good one because when they grew you were there, together, with an intact family and many years of common experience and an unbreakable commitment to each other?

I laugh when I see it from a macro scale. We have the same number of adults in this country looking to partner up, maybe 250mil. Half of them get divorced looking for more than they had in their current relationship...but the overall population pool is the same. If they find happiness it's probably with someone that some other person walked out on, and that probably happened after they went through some failed rebounds, grew older and wiser themselves, lowered their expectations, and were ready to settle and let go of their entitlement. And many more never find that happiness as is reflected in how the divorce rate skyrockets on M2 and M3. But either way it's the same group of people breaking up and forming new relationships, and each time it leaves a broken family with compounding problems and scars, and sets the precedent for walking away when things get difficult which essentially all marriages will.

I guess I'm making two points. One is that I don't believe in divorce. The other is that I don't feel I need to embrace or accept the practice of destroying families to find peace and joy in my life.

I have come a long ways towards acceptance. I spend time each day being appreciative for what I have, and I have a lot. I've been blessed with good friends, amazing children, and so much more. I have grown from this, I am a better dad, have found more joy day to day than ever before, and have learned not to put off my happiness simply because there are things I haven't accomplished yet or because there are pieces of the world that I don't like.

But I will strongly speak out against divorce and infidelity when I have the platform. This doesn't fester anger in my heart. It makes me feel good that I can cast my vote and do my part to make the world a better place. Maybe I help someone like qt by validating his pain so he doesn't feel like he's wrong to feel this way, maybe I plant seeds that help someone remain committed to their next relationship when it gets tough so they can realize the fruits that come from navigating through the off season. And no matter what I can sleep soundly at night knowing that while I can't control society, at least I did my part to speak up for something I passionately believe in. And along with the other areas I've grown, that IS me being the best version of myself.