Can you give some examples of consequences that the MLC,WAW or WW would realize are consequences. Sometimes the boundaries, consequences are interpreted as controlling or other bad behavior.
I think a lot of us LBSs have a lot of problems setting and enforcing boundaries, because we're, on the whole, enabling fixers. I had next to no marital boundaries when my ex whacked out on me, and took a lot of notes during my DBing days.
Personal boundaries are lines we draw to protect our body, mind, emotions, time, finances, etc., from the demands and behavior of others. They should be designed to protect you and your kids, not to control or change your wife. The consequence for breaching a boundary is supposed to allow your wife (or kid or co-worker or whomever is breaching that line) to experience the pain or discomfort caused by her choices -- cause and effect. But make sure that any consequences you set are enforceable -- something you have to power to do and that you will be willing to carry out. Boundaries should be things that are important enough to you that you are "willing to die on that hill."
For example, for a long time I was not strong enough to threaten to kick out my ex if he refused to stop skyping with OW (she lived in Russia). But I did enforce the sort of wimpy boundary that he had to skype in his bedroom with the door closed so my sons and I did not have to hear them talking and flirting, or else I would take away his internet. When years later I finally had enough and was willing to die on that hill, I changed my boundary to choose "her or me." He chose her. I did not die after all
Other examples might be to state that you would call the cops or take out an order of protection if your wife physically abused you. Cancel her credit card it she purchased gifts for OM using it. Maybe Sandi will clarify what she meant.
