Look Forward & Ignore the Anger Spew

[lt0402]

Yep, how goes it brother? Been awhile since we've gotten an update

[rich4j]

Poschan/LT0402

thx for checking in....been doing OK! Its been over a month on my own and I am finding peace in the "peace" at least in the physical sense of the word. While we still live super close, I keep my distance and only interact when needed.

The online/text/email stuff still has continued to be really bad from her. She believes she is a lawyer and it has gotten super nasty. She has a bad case of ADD that she won't address so she will email things, forget about them, twist the facts and mess up things with the custody schedule. It gets tiring and after just a short period of time has become un manageable. My lawyer believes this will have to go to court to get her in the right place. It also is impacting my work so need to figure out a better plan

My D7 is a dream as she is still adjusting but doing it well. She loves the new place and we are making it our own. I keep things positive and ask her to make sure she takes care of mommy too.

I "believe" her OM/PA that she would not ever admit to broke up with her when I was moving out causing her to go off the deep end. Had real issues with me moving and the physical separation from what i heard from some joint friends but I don't really care at this point what she feels or goes thru.

I have read some folks who are in the process of getting thru the same thing on the boards and have posted a little bit lately and I think I am getting to the "I don't care for her " anymore stage. Actually have a date next week ...old girlfriend from 20+ years ago...just a friendly dinner where we reconnected after seeing each other out a month ago.

So things are OK....still got a nasty stretch to go on the divorce to make it official (finances not straightened out), starting to get comfortable on my own and being solo and GAL'ing more, and most important my daughter is adjusting well for now. That was my biggest fear and I am crushing that fear and issue day by day and won't let it pop its head up at all. It is my mission that although my STBX ruined the family, she won't ruin "my family" and relationship wiht my daughter.

[poschan]

ugh, sorry to hear about the nasty part...it's bad enough as it is without having to endure the ugliness...
glad to hear D7 is adjusting well. my d8 has had some issues lately with separation when dropping her off at school and other activities and it just makes me angry when I see her struggling. WAW says "you cant blame it all on D". the cynicism has been strong in me lately and I have to catch myself when it happens.
hope the date is fun and good for you brother.
I like the reminder that WAW will not ruin the family that is with our d's

[poschan]

Hi Rich, how are ya?

[rich4j]

P- hanging in there. Was reading up on dropping the rope etc....and I am getting there I think.

Working through the divorce stuff is taxing but will continue to at least read posts on the newcomers and give advice where possible on my experiences but may fly over to the other board as things get wrapped up in a few months I hope!

I am trying to work to get to a place where I don't care anymore. And what I mean by that is more about not having "disgust" or "anger" towards the STBX versus any positive feelings. I actually have worked with my IC and struggle with not being disgusted about her behavior. Her lying, spewing, blaming and her poor communication with me which is like a child who has been drinking red bull sprinkled with ADD is hard for me to deal with....trying to move past it for my daughters sake

But the feelings are gone in terms of any positive. So moving on with my life...been GAL'ing and actually started "cautiously" dating. And when I say dating...I mean a SLOW walk down that trail. A dinner every now & then ....but the future is bright. I am getting there ...

[poschan]

Glad to hear that you are moving forward! I am in the same boat re: trying to stop the negative feelings toward WAW- I think it harms me and pulls me down. What are your insights on dropping the rope?
I hope you find someone who truly cherishes who you are without any dishonesty and hidden agendas.

[lt0402]

I am trying to work to get to a place where I don't care anymore. And what I mean by that is more about not having "disgust" or "anger" towards the STBX versus any positive feelings. I actually have worked with my IC and struggle with not being disgusted about her behavior. Her lying, spewing, blaming and her poor communication with me which is like a child who has been drinking red bull sprinkled with ADD is hard for me to deal with....trying to move past it for my daughters sake

I find myself wondering if we ever get to a point where we don't care. It may be that we reach a stage where we're able to see their behavior for what it is and forgive them for it. Effectively recognize it and have compassion for them. I don't know. It seems like if we didn't care then we'd almost be like robots unemotionally processing information. Doesn't sound very pleasant, though it's probably a lot less stressful!

So moving on with my life...been GAL'ing and actually started "cautiously" dating. And when I say dating...I mean a SLOW walk down that trail. A dinner every now & then ....but the future is bright. I am getting there ...

This is both awesome and fairly scary at first I'd assume. I like the fact that you're taking it slow as opposed to jumping in head first. I can't imagine what it'd be like going out on the first few dates w/ someone. Glad to hear that you're progressing down that path though rich! Keep it up brother!

[rich4j]

thx LT....got to catch up on your latest tonight when I have some time. I know you had some stressful goings on with your WAW ....hope your legal counsel is giving you good advice

Funny thing happened as she stopped by yesterday to drop stuff off. She started to cry as she hasn't seen my place. I didn't really have any emotions for her except that I hope she is OK for the sake of my daughter. She is a mess...similar to what I was 6 months ago when this got real. So I don't feel bad...strange. Caught her in a bunch of lies too as she continues to hide she never had a PA....even though I think it is defunct.

Had a dinner with an old girlfriend last week. It was awesome as we just talked for 2 straight hours and didn't miss a beat. She is also divorced...just don't want her to be the rebound woman :-) But I am mentally not that ready for anything right now except some good friendship and some dates...we will see how that goes!

[J5K]

Rich,

Just checking in to see how you are doing?

[rich4j]

JK

thanks for checking in. I haven't been journaling or posting much anymore on myself as I may move over the divorced thread but continue to like to try to comment on others to see whre I can help out from where I went wrong and what i have gained from this site

2 months solo in my house and I love it. Yes...some days are lonely when no dog and daughter. I was doing great with GAL'ing but have a weekend with a saturday night alone which I haven't done in years so looking forward to watching some football and continuing to fix up the house

Continue to battle with the STBX on the dumbest things. She can't communicate and forgets things alot so the planning stuff for my daughter has become so difficult that I have gotten our lawyers involved. Simple Simple things she screws up and says "did you forget" and I show her the texts and emails and its like "are you drinking all day?"

I believe she is dating which isn't a surprise to me as I she cheated on me, lied, denied it to this day and I found out the guy broke up with her. I don't know if you will get there Jim but I have gone from missing her to anger and now just don't care. There is a bit of disgust as she isn't the person i married.....she has turned into a selfish imp.

I really know how hard it is for you with that many kids and am hoping the best for you. I am starting to do online dating which is a hoot and scary .....have a date this upcoming week. Not in a state to have any relationship which I am totally upfront and honest about frm the start. Just looking for company and some fun!