Phase 2 contd.

[Pax_luv]

Thanks for stopping by sotto and jack!

The day ended on a better note and I'm not in the funk that I was in earlier. I was so tired from being up so early that I ate dinner and fell asleep without working out or logging into my class. I must do double duty tomorrow!

Also, I had an interesting conversation with this "hot guy" at work. Even when I was married and had zero interest in him, he kind of made me nervous every time I spoke to him. He's intimidatingly good looking. We were leaving the office late, and he said something about if I wanted to grab a bite. I was too tired to catch on so I said, I'm good... Thanks... Just going to head home. He said, "ok, well we should hang out sometime...maybe next week. Just call me or text me." Not sure what that is about, but the good news is, I got a little tongue tied, and flushed (so embarrassing) while talking with him. He's so dang cute... I'll allow myself to see it and say it now. Why is this good? It means I'm still alive and not consumed by my connection to h. I love having positive and giddy feelings! It makes me feel like myself again. I'm not interested in pursuing anything with this guy, even a friendship, because I don't like to mix biz and pleasure. It's just nice to have the reminder that I'm still human.

Here's what I'm seeing with myself. I've spent the last year working every single day on myself. As many of you know, I started DBing the day before I moved out.
This has been a 100% solo journey since that day and I worked morning noon and night to get myself to a good place. I think I'm good and ready to project that energy outward and invite another person into my life. I think that's why I've been allowing myself to have more interactions with men. I keep checking myself to determine if it's just loneliness, neediness, or anything else to really make sure that I know what I'm doing. Truth is, I don't know what I'm doing but i continue to move further and further ahead. the further I leave h behind, the less I'm interested in that ol' life. I'm just not interested.

Jack, you are right... H could have anything on his mind. my brain always goes to where the most logical direction might be because I knew him so well for so long. I get that there's no logic when dealing with an MLCer, but I've had a hard time accepting it. My h was a stanchion of logical rationality... Until he wasn't (like a lot of MLCers).