Trying to detach - part deux

[Rose888]

When it came to goals, I got myself all twisted up when I started looking for signs from H.

I probably had more responsibility for the issues in my marriage than you do for yours, but what worked best was for me to focus on things I wanted to change for me.

So, for example, I wanted to be less emotionally needy and get my validation from myself, not H. So my "signs" had to do with how I felt about myself after certain exchanges. Did I like how the new way felt?

Or, I wanted to be less brittle about certain jokes. So my sign was that we didn't snap at each other and get into an argument about the joke.

Does that make sense? I didn't focus on the big picture--does he love me?--but on small instances of emotional fusion or conflict.

That's still what I'm focusing on. I'm coming up on 5 months of this focus, and H has said several times, "Maybe you are changing" and "Maybe after 22 years you understand my sense of humor." But those comments only came after many of the "new" exchanges.

Anyway, just my two cents.