The Woman is Pure Evil

[RDS]

Each day that goes by should be a day where I’m closer to moving away from her, but it’s not. I read nearly everyone’s threads, even if I rarely post in them. My sitch is different than most on here so I don’t really know what support I can provide. Neither one of us cheated, our only child is grown and living her own life, my W left for good reasons, and more importantly, all our conversations are friendly and we don’t argue. In fact, she made me lunches for the week and just dropped by the house and gave them to me. I try not to read too much into it because my W was always so giving to me and it’s only now how I appreciate it again. I think she likes how surprised and thankful I am (which is the truth).

We’ve been talking about our married lives in such detail that its’ almost as if I’m rediscovering her. We stopped talking years ago so this is really refreshing. I almost feel guilty about how my sitch is going. My M may be dead and beyond repair, but I am thankful we’re not at each other’s throats. I am so thankful I’m not dealing with the issues a lot of the people on this board are dealing with. I give everyone extreme props for how you’re dealing with it.

I know after the court judgement I should hate her, but in retrospect, I’ve come to my senses. She was following her L’s advice and my L was so ineffective it was only natural I got screwed. I’m not going to skirt around it but I’m still hurt she used some of my DB against me. I’m still scrambling my finances around to keep my head above water. The system [censored] is all I can say.

However; having said all that I still have pain, lots of it. I’ve spent the last few days really scrubbing this house and getting it ready to sell. I’ve had a few realtors come through and a couple said they could get my house sold rather quickly and I won’t have to do much work, and some of the others say I have a lot of work to do to get top dollar. I don’t think those realtors understand I don’t have time to get top dollar. I need to get the house sold so I get from out from under it because not only for financial reasons but this house is a tomb of many memories. Every time I move a piece of furniture or pack boxes it brings to the surface more proof of how my life is changed forever and there isn’t much I can do about it.

One of the hardest things I’m dealing with is selling my workout equipment. I’m selling most of the stuff for pennies to the dollar. I just have to get rid of it. Today I sold my treadmill. Unlike a lot of people, I actually used my treadmill. I used to run 5-6 miles a day on it, with only 1 day a week for rest. After BD day I would go days between runs and then it might be 2-3 miles at a time. Seeing my treadmill go is even more proof the life I thought I would have is gone forever. Admittedly I do get resentful of my W for having to sell it.

In a couple of days it will be 4 months since BD day. I’ve changed for the better in so many ways and if my W didn’t leave me I would never have improved my life. I would have gone to my grave as a resentful and bitter man. So my overall outlook on life has improved. I have all the emotions now. I don’t only have anger anymore. I have them all; especially sadness. LOL.

September 15 is my anniversary date. It will be 32 years. I hope to God I can survive it.