Quote: HH, it was a LONG time ago (we've been married 25 years in June!), and as long as we were SOMETIMES ML, it didn't seem to matter all that much, although I DID miss it (I DO miss it!!!). This was even way before we had kids. She just decided, like right after we were married, that there was "no need" for certain things. Necking on the couch was one of those things. GOD how I miss it.
Hmm.. I deduced a while ago that this is one of the factors contributing to my current LD state. (not enough make out time) I'm surpised your W thinks it's unnecsesarry, and hasn't made the connection between it and higher desire on her end. When you look at what was different when the desire was present, and what's different now, that's a HUGE factor, a HUGE behavior change. One of the things, I've noticed about me, is how easy it is to procrastinate the whole sex thing, since I know chances are good that tomorrow or the next day will work (stretches into weeks). Now if I could only get that feeling about food and chocolate, getting in better shape would be so much easier.
Sadly, I know much of the excitement and desire for LM is gone simply because the anticipation is gone. I realized that I NEED the anticipation, the planned dates, KNOWing that my H makes an effort to be with me, and for me to make the EFFORT to be with him, connect, concentrate and be with H. Strong emotions (like passion) cannot live in a vacuum, they need food (feeding thoughts and actions) to sustain them.
Maybe part of your wife's reasoning for thinking she doesn't need to do that stuff anymore, is because she's living in 'reality' of marriage, and doesn't believe there's any point in feeding the 'fantasy', not realizing that she's dimminishing her reality experiences by doing so.
When we date, we immagine what life will be like together. When we are finally together, sometimes we stop imagining, and sadly much is lost. I hope you and your wife can start imagining together again.
