Trying to detach - part deux

[Coly23]

Hey Painter thanks for your post. I absolutely agree about the 180's. I look back and think how bossy and codependent I was. Also how I used to hate him taking time to do his sports, because we both work full-time and his sports usually take up most of one day during the weekend which left little time for us and chores. I now see that it was a small price to pay and I regret not being more flexible. My 180 here is that i don't switch off any sport on the TV when he is around and I have kept the sports channel on Sky going!

I've really tried my best to be happy and easy going when H comes over and I haven't cried in front of him or got angry for at least two months. Unfortunately before his suprise visit yesterday I did have a little cry so I did look a bit puffy eyed but I don't think he noticed! But when he isn't here I cry buckets and I think I am starting to recognise that this is my way of dealing with the frustration and sadness. Hey I'm a crier what can I say!

How do I know that the changes are working if I don't ask him outright? How do I know they are drawing him nearer and he isn't interested in just being friends? My goals are only based on MY expectations. For example one of my goals is that I know I am drawing him nearer because he will text me to find out how I am however what if that isn't the first sign and I miss it. Maybe him bringing me wine on family night is HIS sign but I don't know that. So I am getting more and more despondent that I am not seeing MY sign. Altair said her H contacts her every three days to find out how she is and for me that would be one of my goals achieved but for Altair I think it sounds like it is frustrating because that is all she gets from him. Maybe Altaire's H coming over once a week for dinner might be a sign for her? I don't I know am so confused by it all.

I understand that doing things to be a better person will help me in the long run but at the moment I don't want to think that is all I am going to get out if this. Don't get me wrong I want to be a better person but I also want my H back and I want my marriage to be restored. At the moment I just can't get excited about going to the gym or taking up another hobby. I don't know maybe I just need a bit more time to adjust to it all before I embark on this stage in my life.

I like that you said that if the door is open there is no harm in telling H how I feel but without getting angry of crying. It's so hard for us LBS to have to constantly hide our feelings whilst our S's get to shout theirs from the roof tops!

Sometimes I just want to runaway far from this all and just forget about everything that has happened. But I know running away isn't the answer as I will be just as bad as H...