Well, I got some goats. They are boys - just for eating weeds. Of course they got out yesterday evening and decided to go for a leisurely stroll. Luckily they ended up back at my house (I didn't even know they had left) and I was able to contain them again.

W went to Battle Mountain, NV to teach her first class for the independent artistic color educator thing. She will be back in town later this evening.

She calls and wants to talk to the kids but they basically just say Hi and go back to what they are doing...they don't seem particularly excited to talk to her. They don't ask about her much either. But when she does call, they seem to start acting out shortly after the call and then return to happy selves again.

I am still enjoying not having to run around cleaning up after W. I am enjoying the peace and even the kids are much better behaved when she is not around. I am noticing how much I compromised my comfort in terms of cleanliness and organization just so she wouldn't be so angry when I requested things here and there. I really do need a somewhat organized environment to keep my ADD brain from exploding. Perhaps that is why I was so irritable so much of the time? Also not being able to express those feelings for fear of a fight caused me to build up resentment.

I am doing really well on eating healthy. Even to the point where I ate some pizza the other night and instantly regretted it. I felt bloated and lethargic for the rest of the evening. I am mostly focusing on eating veggies, whole grains like quinoa, beans, lots of eggs (since I have chickens), and cheese (can't give up cheese, NOOOO WAY!). I haven't indulged in adult beverages since Friday night - just not feeling like I want to drink much over the weekend.

I am continuing to look back in the relationship and see that she was right about one thing - it was unhealthy, the way we interacted. And again, while I have played my part in all of this - I really can see that she was angry this whole time and projected it onto me and our relationship, which of course caused me to fight back and/or defend myself. I mean, what considerate and respectful person tells their spouse that they are a control freak and nitpicking when they ask for a little more help around the house?

I am continuing to work towards detaching, but I feel like I have done a pretty damn good job of it already. The fact that I am not super depressed, feeling needy like I need to text or call is something I wouldn't have expected this early on. I am even ignoring some of her calls and texts. I just don't want to interact with her at all. I am too focused on the kids and getting my home into a state that I feel is relaxing and safe.


I suppose I do still love her, but I do not love the person she has become. I love the parts that made me want to marry her...but I just don't see those parts anymore. I hope she can work through the issues that create so much of her unhappiness in life because I honestly only wish her the best.