Good to see you again, I don't know if I agree with your scale for the simple fact that the rating itself can be skewed. I know that on some days I would rate much lower and on other days I would wonder if I could rate a 12 or 13... i.e. - my rating would vary with how I was feeling that day.
But just for kicks, I would rate her very high in the first two, but not so high on the rebelliousness, so she would probably end up at 24 or 25.
So, started a R conversation yesterday, it's been almost two months since the last one, and I had some things I wanted to get off my chest.
Basically I wanted to have the talk because while at my nieces B-day party, I walked into the dining room where a bunch of family members were sitting around and talking, and I heard someone say "That's the thing, there seems to be different stories", and then they all shut up when they saw me. I immediately told them that I sat everyone down together and told them what was going on so that there wouldn't be the need for whispers and wondering who knows what, and they didn't need to feel like they needed to gossip about it, they are more than welcome to talk about it out in the open.
Couple of confusion points came out (since my WW has started to meet with some of them individually), the two main confusion points were if she was having an A when I decided I was done, and if she was still willing to reconcile.
As for the A, my WW was texting OM and said "I wanted to let you know why I was upset last night", "I want to be honest with you", "I don't like to keep secrets", and "She really wants to meet you". I don't know what the reply texts were. Anyway, I consider that type of conversation with OM a continuation of the A, my WW sees as it talking with a friend, so she tells people there was no A going on and of course I tell them there was.
I addressed this difference of views with my WW, and she said that she sees him as a friend and that she is not romantically or otherwise involved. She also said that when she had to stop talking to him after I found out, she felt like she lost a "Friend". I told her that if I was in her shoes and someone else was involved with the destruction of my Family's life, I would not want to be friends with that person, they would disgust me for being a person involved in doing that. I stated that it's not like you weren't at fault too, but he was a predator who saw you vulnerable, saw an opportunity to have non-committed sex with a hot woman and took advantage of that opportunity. I told her that she once said to me that it wasn't like he was sitting at home pining for her, and I said that's because he has no emotional involvement, for him it's just conquering the pray and having physical interactions.
I then addressed the implying to people that she would still be willing to reconcile, that she wants to try a physical S and let things cool down. I asked her about that, and said that if you have any interest in reconciling that it is news to me, and she said that she wanted that in the past but I said if I leave the house I'm not coming back (I said this near the beginning of all this, before we started piecing). She confirmed that it is not something she wants now, but mentioned wanting it in the past. Anyway, I told her that implying that she is open to reconciliation when she is not makes it look like I'm walking away from the M when that isn't true, and she needs to quite implying things that aren't true to my family. I support her trying to repair those R, but not by laying a foundation of lies to build upon.
Anyway, after her comment of feeling like she lost a friend (referring to OM, who she only knew for 6 weeks before I found out), I wonder if my WW is in fact still in the fog, or if she will just continue to justify her interactions with him as a friend so she doesn't need to face the fact the "actual need" to go NC for the M to survive.
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
