Taking my first sip of the water

[SH_]

G,

Look at your issues with fear, and obsessive thoughts about W, your looks, your fear etc like a physical ailment.

I went to the doctor and he refer e me to CBT therapy when I was assessed for cut he told me that it is not what I need and that at this point it will not help me as I am fixated on trying to hang on to my marriage

If you go to one doctor and tell him you are having horrible stomach pains, or headaches or what have you.
He checks you out and says that he can not see anything and it is just gas.
What do you do?

What you do is you go get another opinion.
You know dang well it is not gas.
Just like now you know dang well what you need to do, but a four letter F word has you paralyzed.
And you know that it is False Evidence Appearing Real.
It is in your head because it is not real that which you say you are afraid of.

What you have been writing and obsessing here for over a year indicates you need some assistance.
You are fixated on trying to save your M.
But why?
Because of what appears to be some deep seeded issues with yourself.
maybe print some of the things you have written here over the past year and share it with the IC.

I will return tomorrow with some thoughts and guidance as it relates to finding an IC that can help you.
Meanwhile read what MWD says about seeking an MC, but adjust the suggestions for an IC.
Things like solution based and forward thinking.
You can't keep wallowing in the past.

Also you must be honest and dig deep with the IC.
They can't help it you don't put it all out on the table.

I got to hit the hay as work comes early for me tomorrow.