Zeus, it's certainly true that we are not responsible for others behavior as MWD talks about in her books how we act can very much influence (change) how a person acts. That's what Dr. Phil means by you teach people how to treat you. If a child throws a temporary tantrum to get what he wants and gets it, we just taught him how to treat us. Same goes her a H or a W. If a H throws a tantrum and doesn't get their way but instead gets shut down, we help them in the long run. The problem is far too many people get away with their crazy behavior which only emboldens them to continue it. This is all very proven. My last example would be its not a Ws fault if her H strikes her - the first time. It is much her fault if she allows it to happen again.
Don,
I must speak up here for that statement ^^^ belies the awful truth about domestic violence and strays far into victim blaming territory. As a board member of a DV organization, I have learned that it's not as simple as what you've laid out here. Abuse occurs over time and starts out so subtly that many victims don't notice it at first and as time goes on, becomes caught up in a truly vicious cycle of rentless abuse at all levels which makes it VERY difficult for them to get out of a IPV (Intimate Partner Violence) situation.
I would caution you and others from getting into victim blaming mindset. We need to really move away from it and become their allies. Abuse is NEVER the victim's fault. NEVER.
