Roads Go Ever On

[Zues126]

Don, I agree that we teach people how to treat us...HOWEVER we never assume responsibility for other people's behavior either. Both are true, and while we can all do better to improve our boundaries and consider what type of behavior we are encouraging, none of us can control other people or do anything to prevent them from making destructive decisions.

I agree with Phoebe's point as far being strategic and laser focused on achieving the outcome you want. They say anger is like drinking poison hoping the other person dies or whatever. Expressing anger to WAH may only negatively impact your ability to reach a favorable settlement. You're well aware of that, we each have to deal with this in our own way. For me I can't allow myself to give XW the impression that she has that much control over my state of mind. I choose to look at her as an inanimate obstacle that I have to navigate around. I also create as much emotional distance as possible and stay very detached from her and her choices. I've been deeply wounded and don't pretend I'm not hurt or angry, I just don't choose to let those emotions steer my ship as I don't think they will lead me where I want to go. That said, again, I know you know all of this, and in light of where you are at and what's been done I am not judgmental here, you have some latitude to spew a little in the short term. In the long term I know you will find peace.