Maybell 40

[Sotto]

Hi Maybell, I'm sorry you had an up and down weekend with NG. He does sound committed and kudos to him for interacting well with your kids and making an effort with each of them.

Yes, I'm also picking up on the 'I may need to end this' theme. But you are keen on him and that would sound like 0-90 without going through lesser steps of trying to work things out. Maybe fear and you jump straight to that?

It is still earlyish days in your R and you say you'd like to see him more, but struggle to be 'on.' What do you think would help you feel more relaxed and yourself around him? It sounds as though if you truly relax and offer 'just you' that you feel it somehow wouldn't be enough? It's only enough if you're 'on' and exhausting yourself? If you haven't read Brene Brown, she is useful on this. I've certainly got a great deal out of her writing & talks.

I hope that you are also maintaining links with friends and a life outside of the R with him. One of the big things I have learned is that I do still want to be able to have a life of my own and manage a situation where we aren't together all the time and can both do stuff we enjoy (this is a hypothetical 'we' just now :-))

Take it steady, and try and see this as a journey. There is no need to rush to any kind of finishing line, you can put the top down and enjoy the sun on your face and the smell of the ocean.

Xx