I don't think that trying to help her early on made things worse. It's just aggravated her a bit. But you now have the tools and know not to suggest things to her.
I'm sorry that the children are having a difficult time. You will need to reassure them and love them. Listen to what they tell you and validate their thoughts, concerns and fears. They need to know that you are always going to be there for them.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
