Mia, I'm glad you spoke to someone. What he told you is the same advice, comments/suggestions we give here. The ow is nothing but a crutch, a distraction to keep him from focusing on his issues and healing. Trust me, she's nothing but a band aid.
At some point, they do think about wanting to return. Some do and some don't. Those that don't may have: 1) thought about coming back but their pride and the necessary hard work has kept them from reaching out and wanting to reconcile; 2) some will suggest reconciling and the spouse has opted not to do so and has moved on; and 3) some think about it, but are still stuck and don't know how to exit the crisis and remain there for the rest of their lives.
For those who do wish to reconcile w/the spouse, they will need to work hard to earn your trust and be transparent in what they are doing, this may include email, cell phone and text messages, FB pages, etc. If you allow them to just waltz right back in w/o doing the hard, necessary work, the reconciliation will not work. If your h does decide to reconcile, I would suggest that you start out dating for a while and then finally moving back in together. The first thing to remember is you have to learn to be friends again. Both of you will have changed and your lives have been changed forever, so it's a new friendship, new relationship and you can't go back to your old ways because it's a brand new relationship.
I do hope that if you are given the opportunity to reconcile that you will take it slowly and not rush the process. For now, keep the focus on you and your children. Anything is possible if you have faith in yourself and the man upstairs.
