Taking my first sip of the water

[SH_]

Good evening G!

I am ok thank you sorry I have not posted I have started now two long posts and both managed to delete before I was able to post them I will post tonight

Thank you for looking in

Ghost

I am glad to hear you are doing okay.
Why not take some time and re write the long posts?
Repetition may be good for you now.

Ok,so I see myself,thanking people,for,their help but then going and doing very little,to move forwards

I see myself starting to be positive and I want to do the right things but then I fall back in fear and end up circling around

You have a point here.
You appreciate the advice, but no action follows.
Your words do come out a little positive, and then you do get stuck wallowing......

My point in asking you to review both posts, was that your first post made a commitment.......to yourself about yourself.

So I am really going to do my best to make this next thread all about me and what I can do to help me.

Your last post was all about your WAW and your obsessive desire to get something back as it relates to a MR.
Most of the posts in between are about your WAW and your focus on her.
Several posts started out about the work you wanted to do, but then it circled back to her and the sitch.

You appear to have taken one sip of the water, spit it out and are back to basically telling everyone that it is not the water you want, again.
Still thirsty aren't you?

Ghost, this ongoing behavior for 4 plus years is a big reason I continue to ask about your efforts to see an IC.

I have been to see my doctor but I do not want to start Anti depressants the Ic that I have been seeing has mainly talked about the marrage my low feelings are some times but normally not talked about

My doctor did not think I was depressed how would I know for sure she said to me would I like to go on some antidepressants and I said at the moment I don't feel like I need them she said you do not need to get the very bottom and sometimes it is better to take them I did not feel they would help I do not think they are going to make my situation any better I do not feel that I need to take drugs at this stage

I hope that answers your question

Thank you

Alright G,
It appears that you ask your doctor about it.
Typically as I learned a MD will use a series of questions as outlined in the medical world to help determine if AD's are needed. That is basically all they do.
MD's are not specialized normally to actually diagnose a depressive disorder and even when the patient answers the questions in a manner, all they do is prescribe meds.

IMHO, this is not really helpful and most of us would not prefer meds.
I was prescribed them, but I refused to take them until I met with an IC for over a month.

But my point is that I want to urge that you see an IC and maybe even an psychiatrist as they will work to assist you while diagnosing you.

Understand me, that the IC I encourage is not an MC, nor an IC that specializes in relationship situations.
Seek out an IC that can work with you on why you are paralyzed with fear, anxiety and low self esteem.
Would you agree these are huge challenges in your day to day life?
I would even challenge you to look at these and ask if they have been part of you for much longer than your MR sitch.
Best case, you do not have any issues that can not be overcome with some simple counseling. Maybe even some CBT will help without meds. Also, through this a sound diagnosis will help if meds were indeed needed.
But I say let a professional that specializes with this do the work and guide you.

Being frozen with the fear and inability to get up and do something to move forward does not appear to the many of us here as something of benefit nor even normal.

You have continued to display the exact behaviors that MWD talks about for the LBH that creates the WAW. The sad part, is you have continued to do so after the BD.
Why Ghost?
Why?
You in essence are self sabotaging yourself and your family being stuck in this place.
Is this by concours choice?
Or is it possible a professional could help you?

I want to tell you that I think it is deeper than you simply just choosing not to try.
Because choosing not to try is very selfish.
Only you know if this is true though.

If you really want what you have been saying that you want for the past year here in the forums, then I would expect that there would be some effort.
I have not seen another LBS, simply give no efforts. Even the ones that toss their hands in the air and give up on the MR, did so with effort.

My only thought, is you have a potential disorder that you need to seek assistance with. Meds are not the only answer.
Therapy and counseling sessions all can assist someone in your sitch.
I am not encouraging meds nor judging here. I know that mental disorders can be looked down on my some.
But I am a firm believer that it is no different than a physical disorder, and that is not something to look down on.
I only think it is time for you to turn over another stone, so you can find the help and strength needed.
Please, at least make the effort to really find out why you are so afraid of things that have not happened, and unable to commit to doing those things to help yourself and trying things that have been proven to help you and your family.
Please.
Please.

Ghost, what do you have to lose??

I really am praying for you with all my heart.
It is one of the saddest things that I have seen and I just don't think you should continue to sit there and try nothing.
Doing something and failing is better than standing there frozen in fear all of the time.

You deserve it, your children deserve it, your W deserves it.

Please Ghost, it is time to be ATPeace with yourself, but that will never happen if you don't make a serious and consistent move forward.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step. Lao Tzu

I am here to listen to you, pray for you guide you based on my experiences, but Ghost, I unfortuwynaly cannot do the needed work for you.
You must commit and stick to it.
It is the only way my friend.
It is the only way.