Corri, Thanks for your sound advice. I think your very right in saying that we have to address sex as an expression of love itself not as the icing on the cake of a loving relationship. As I originally said, we kiss and cuddle every day, hardly argue much and to outsiders everything would look rosy but there's this physical line I'm unable cross with her and its the barrier of rejection that hurts more than anything else. Somewhere we have made the error of treating sex as a bonus for me if I'm very lucky and not a natural part of the relationship. I know people say that having sex and making love are not the same thing and I guess that's true when in a new relationship but how can a solid relationship that is loving in all other ways regard sex as a separate entity? To me, holding hands and kissing is just as much about sex as intercourse. Sex comes in different sized packages according to the mood. It doesn't always have to go all the way (but occasionally do so would be nice!). This is why I can't understand why a barrier can exist. Surely once you're being loving , the rest should come naturally (but I guess I don't appreciate the role of female hormones in all this!). I guess it has to be a medical problem but what annoys me is that she won't see the doctor to discuss this and get her hormones checked. Whether that's out of embarrassment or dislike of the doctor, I don't know. If I had been too embarrassed to see a doctor when I first detected something wrong with one of my testicles, I wouldn't be alive today.
I've just finished reading the book now but I'm going to read it again and make some notes. One thing I've learned is that I have to back off. I'm too demanding and I believe the seesaw effect might work in our case.
