What should I be doing (Working toward D 9)

[Coconut]

Your porridge analogy makes sense, and I think it is dead on in terms of best case scenarios. Problem is, I'm not best case scenario. I've been thinking over what you said about me being a WAS, and I think I do have a bit of that mindset.

This whole thing started 6 months ago, in that time I have never been approached for a R discussion, even when we were "piecing", only once has she said anything to show any type of emotion about the sitch without my prompting, and that was an out of the blue text saying "I miss my best friend". She hasn't lost any sleep over this, has tried to justify what she did and tried to convince me (recently) I over reacted to her A..

I honestly completely feel like she has zero feelings towards me, good or bad, and that the only person W is concerned about is W... So yeah, I don't really weigh reconciling with her into what I feel would be best for me moving forward...

I am working on forgiveness, I've supported her recent actions towards reconciling with my family (by not interfering or making negative comments to them, and making it clear to them that their R with her is theirs, not mine). I'm trying to control my reactions to triggers, but I'm not making any effort to rebuild with her. Quite frankly, I don't feel like she deserves me.