Thank you for joining my thread lovethehub and for the advice you have given. Its always good to hear perspective from the other side.
In my case, my h did not have an A, he left a few weeks after BD and within 6 weeks hooked up with someone else - technically it was not an A, but it still feels like that to me. She holds no weight and I do my best to move past the image of it, its harder some days than others, but I hope that as with everything else, it will fade and become a distant memory. The only real thing that I can't let go of and I need to try better with is the bitterness that he has this great career and earns good money and I am have been struggling along because my career was child rearing and homemaker until he left me - he feels I begrudge him being able to go off and do things, have things, because he has the finances to do it, that he has worked hard all these years to get to this point - I feel; what about me, what about the sacrifice I made so that he could have the career he has, why should I be penalized for a crappy decision he made a few years ago. I know that this will resolve itself eventually, at the moment its all new and we are trying not to "step on each others toes" or be over bearing, especially from h as he is aware of his controlling nature now.
So - the title of this post is going to be: "Who is the Crazy One Now ?!"
After a few weeks of unsuccessful house hunting I made a throwaway comment to h about either having to rob a bank to buy a place or buy a caravan ........Rob a bank was taken off the list, I don't think I would look very flattering with tights on my head but the caravan idea evolved as the conversation went on and after a couple of days of thinking about it we have decided to throw caution to the wind and pool our money (each putting in the same amount) and buy a caravan and go travelling for the summer (hopefully). We figure, why not, we have not got any commitments right now, grown kids, no home, no jobs (because I really want to leave mine soon) and we have a lot of "getting to know each other" to do. Where better than in a tin box with no escape ......ha ha ha ha ha.
H has now finished work, he hands back his rental on 19th and travels to me. The following week I will finish work and we would like to be starting our big adventure by mid Oct. S22 and his g/friend have invited us for Christmas so that gives us a direction to head off in. We hope to find work along the way which will help fund our trip (lots of casual opportunities in NZ, its backpacker world), but we have enough to last us for about 4 months if we are careful and dont find work. The dogs are quite chilled so will be happy pottering about with us. We plan to do a mix of freedom camping ( free no amenity camping on DOC land) and paid sites. H has sent me his spreadsheet of expenses and we both add to them as we think of things, he seems rather excited at the whole thing and I have to say, so am I. I get to travel a bit and see the country which I have lived in for 10yrs not not seen much of. We may even find a place we would like to settle in.
I will have finished my courses up to date and will defer the last one until next year when I can have reliable internet again.
Both s are really enthusiastic about it and quite envious of us. A summer off does sound glorious - just what my body and soul needs
but the caravan idea evolved as the conversation went on and after a couple of days of thinking about it we have decided to throw caution to the wind and pool our money (each putting in the same amount) and buy a caravan and go travelling for the summer (hopefully). We figure, why not, we have not got any commitments right now, grown kids, no home, no jobs (because I really want to leave mine soon) and we have a lot of "getting to know each other" to do. Where better than in a tin box with no escape ......ha ha ha ha ha. 
