cheesyt 3 -adjusting to new life

[lovethehub]

Cheesyt,

H made it clear that things were different because he was no longer available to me. We talked about kids and stuff and he was nice but that was it. It was completely different. (Almost like HE was reading DB and on the site) Prior to that he had always made it clear that he wanted to work things out. I would contact OM, he would get upset but then he was always back and wanting to work on the M. I never really wanted a D, I was alone in our M for years and made poor choices to fill the loneliness but I didn't want a D - until I met OM. But I would waiver whenever H would try to work things out. I was so mad that he even wanted to because he was ruining my happiness (or so I thought at the time). You are in a tough position because you want to be available for D, if you two were to be divorced, you want the best situation possible to be there for D and show her an amicable separation, however you don't want to be too available. One thing stuck out to me, when she invited you to dinner and you didn't go you told her you had too much work, etc. Don't do that. When you decline, just decline. Be friendly, kind and supportive but don't be there too much emotionally for her. She has to feel the difference in the relationship. I also know that you can't read into anything but I have to say that I NEVER left my phone face up, away from me, etc. when I was having an A. When it was over and there was zero contact, I would intentionally leave it face up or lying around as a way of letting my H know that I had nothing to hide. Your W is in between dating and she may be checking to see if she has completely lost you but it also doesn't mean that she is ready to make the choice to come back. You do not want her to think you will always be there for her when SHE decides she wants the M. So remember, be kind, be nice but let her know you are 'moving on' in subtle ways. Make your hugs more 'brotherly' (and only when she initiates), not too close to her or long. Don't give explanations when you decline an invitation. Go to the graduation and let her know you are proud of her but in a 'friend way'.