eg, From one English Gent to another. Don't listen to these hot headed Americans and Canadians - they don't have the stiff upper lip that we do. You've been together for 16 years unmarried and my guess is that you are still too much in love with her just to call it a day without giving it one last try. While I agree with them that you should postpone marriage for now, I think you should use the knowledge from the book and the strength of knowing you have us on your side to ask her to try the "Just do it" approach (for a trial period if necessary) where she agrees to ML once a week on a set day (for example Fridays). She may be shocked by the frequency at first but I've tried monthly in the past and it just isn't often enough to become habit forming. Be confident and if she objects ask her "What harm can it possibly do?". I know a fixed time is not romantic or spontaneous but it sets a boundary within which she should feel safe. If you cuddle in bed on a Wednesday night she knows you won't put the pressure on because it isn't Friday so she'll be happier to cuddle. On Friday she will have time to prepare, have a bath etc. (I can tell you it is very exciting on a Friday when she says "I think I'll have a bath" because you know she is preparing for you. When you ML have lots of confidence and don't use the old routine. Do things differently giving equal regard to both your pleasures. Hopefully (and this is what I am hoping for myself) after a few weeks the sex barrier will lift and other times of the week will be possible - perhaps she will even initiate it. If you marry in your present circumstances you are effectively signing a contract to live the way you are now. SD - Just doing it.
