I read nothing in your post that felt disrespectful to me or to anyone. And for that matter, who cares, man. You are in some wretched, painful situation, and, in my book, it's all right by me if you hold harsh thoughts towards whoever.
It's a messed up world we live in, and you're doing everything within your power to do right. That's all you can do, that's all you can do....
My heart breaks for your kids, even though I don't know them. I too think a lot about what my kids are perceiving in my particular situation, and what kind of a person I want them to think I am, what a good father and a husband does.
I no longer have the arrogance to say I would do XYZ if I were in your shoes, because if I were in your shoes, I'd be overwhelmed by all the feelings and thoughts that you have. Standing in my own shoes, though, I think getting a D from your W seems good. The kids know that you stood your ground and held out hope for a while, but the kids also know that you can't just stand around like a punching bag, a doormat.
Me: 50, MLC/WW 45 Young kids Nov 2015: BD1 Apr 2016: BD2 Jan 2017: W filed Feb 2017: D final