Thank you Sotto and Esame, the more I interact with H the more I realise that probably H isn't in MLC but it's an exit affair as he didn't want to look bad by leaving his family ( just a reminder that he left his 1st partner and his 4 years old child). I'm wondering which one is the worse looking bad for leaving again or leaving because of betrayal. Anyway it doesn't matter now, what has been done is done, I just need to move forward.
I'm also doing a bit of clearance amongst friends, i might sound harsh but I have a couple of friends who really helped me (they got cheated on too!), but now each time we are in touch texts or meeting up we end up talking about our H, and not in a positive way. I always feel drained, down and angry. Unfortunately I don't want this in my life as I have realised that I have been a very pessimistic person for maybe 25 years of my life, and it's toxic. This has contributed to the end of my marriage and if I don't address this issue, I will find myself in the same situation I am now in 20 years! I don't want this. So I'm taking a step back with those people. I do feel bad for doing it, although it hurts me and now I need to nurture myself.
I have also noticed that when I don't see H when he is supposed to see the kids (like today a no show), I don't think so much about it. When I know I'm going to see him for kids' handover, I'm winding up myself and that is not good! I need to learn how to let go and this is the hardest thing to do. I will eventually get there at my own pace.
