Cherry. H is filing and leaving. Working on me

[Cherry]

Thanks It0402.

Treating him like a guest is kind of how I have tried to, I say hello/goodbye when necessary. Other than that there is literally no conversation. And if he is actually home, he hides out in his bedroom like some spoilt teenager. My toddler behaves far better than this man child.

I hold out no expectations for when he moves, it'll probably just be even longer silences. I can have some hope, but he just feels like he truly means this, there isn't any glimmer of hope. And no sign of him changing out of the inconsiderate a@@hole he has become

[lt0402]

Thanks It0402.

Treating him like a guest is kind of how I have tried to, I say hello/goodbye when necessary. Other than that there is literally no conversation. And if he is actually home, he hides out in his bedroom like some spoilt teenager. My toddler behaves far better than this man child.

Mine won't respond to my hello/goodbyes, but she does choose to sit in our presence on her iPhone. I almost wish she'd take the thing and go to another room and let my D and I enjoy each other w/o her. It's like a dark cloud hanging over everything when she does. Tough to beat back that darkness...

I hold out no expectations for when he moves, it'll probably just be even longer silences. I can have some hope, but he just feels like he truly means this, there isn't any glimmer of hope. And no sign of him changing out of the inconsiderate a@@hole he has become

I think the approach of holding no expectations is a good one. However, watching others situations, there does seem to be results when going dark after you've physically separated. At the very least it's something different to be tried. I'd also imagine it removes this huge 24/7 stress on our lives that is in house separation. It's like a very painful groundhog day, over and over and over again every day....bleh

Regardless, don't let the man child get to you! You rock Cherry, keep chugging along!

[Cherry]

Oh the texting really gets on my wick. Since I had strong words about the amount of disrespect he was showing constantly texting another woman right in front of me (of course he denied it, but I said well whoever the hell it is appears to be the most important thing in your life). I think now he tends to leave his phone from being on it in my presence as he knows I will probably take the damn thing off him and beat him to death with it. I do get mutters to the hellos and goodbyes, but that is it.

I guess you are right, it gives someone a chance to truly reflect on their life. And possibly realise that the grass isn't greener. I could tell him until I was blue in the face that divorcing me and moving out will not solve all his problems. But what's the point, 1- he wouldn't listen 2- why waste good oxygen; and 3 - I'm sure it will be all the more exciting for him to go and discover this all on his little life journey, just like d!ck Whittington, minus the cat, and the whittington.

Thank you, I'm trying my best. He decided to eat with us tonight. I had to hold my sarcasm and anger inside. I just focused on my s. Who decided he didn't want to sit anywhere near his dad, instead he decided to sit right on my knee. As soon as wh was finished, he stood up and returned to his man cave. Exactly like a spoilt child. Eats his dinner, and locks himself away. If he was my child, I'd of educated his that it's bad manners to leave the damn table before everyone finishes. But hey, everything he does right now angers me.

[Phoebe]

Cherry, I saw a fun little sign recently, and I think that a lot of us here can relate. It said:

"Dear Karma, I have list of people you missed."

It made me smile, in a Mona Lisa kind of way. : )

Hang in there, beautiful. Rise above all of this BS, take the high road at every opportunity, and be the best mother and person you know how to be. It's not about him any more. This is about you and the kind of person you want to be and the life you want to live. Create it.

[Surfer]

Super words Phoebe!


Surfer.

[Cherry]

Thank you phoebe. I have seen that quote on Pinterest- it amuses me!

Those words are very true. I think I'm still just struggling to picture a life without him. He's the only person I've ever truly loved- and I don't fall for people very easily at all. Once I get to grips that he has gone (I'm getting there) and think I will do better

[Cherry]

Heard an argument between wh and his mom. I heard the ow brought up. I fought against going saying anything because I thought this is their discussion. I heard him start raising his voice to her fabricating stories of how she would hit him as a child. Now I know that can't be right, all I've ever known about him is how close they were- she was always his upmost priority, there has always been the two of them and I have never seen such an amazing close bond between them. And she is the nicest mom you could wish for, she took me on like a child of her own and has been there for me. But wh and her, everyone knows how close they are, at work, everyone. And I knew when I got with him that I would have to find my own place in his heart as I respected all she had done and their close bond.

So I start hearing him yell more at her, and she's in tears. He yelled something like get out of my life to her, and she yelled out something along the lines of don't hit me. So I threw the door open at that point. He starts getting confrontational at me. I didn't rise to his bait, he started spewing about no one trusting him, and he feels ganged up on and will be glad when he leaves. I let him spew his sh!t out, but the one thing I did say to him was that I would not talk to him if he wanted to shout, I do not tolerate that disrespect, nor will I tolerate him pointing his hand towards me. He started swearing this and that on our S's life- I don't go for that. I don't appreciate anyone taking my children's name into that kinda context, so I told him that I was there to protect my children. He tried to say "what against just swearing on people's life". So I made my point clearly that I will protect them from anyone and anything that gets anywhere near to disrespecting or hurting them. I said it calmly, no emotion. I did not raise my voice. And with that I walked away. Because right then and there, I wanted to say I will protect them from @ssholes like you, or becoming anything like you.

And with that, the anger took over and I am back to thinking I want this toxic disrespectful person far away from me. I will not stand for anyone raising their voice at me or pointing at me. I don't give a damn who they are, I just won't tolerate it.

[Cherry]

Forgot to add that he said to his mom "yeah there is a girl that I like but I'm not doing anything about it". Obviously the ow, but yet he swears to me that there is no one else. My god it's been a hard day, this behaviour, finding that he has filed. I will be glad when he's gone, and I don't think I want to see him again. Such a level of disrespect. Throwing a family away for a crush?! Well I hope karma does a number on you both.

He's stormed out now, at 2am. Probably going running to her arms to sprout all his BS. Misery likes company. Tonight he's lost any respect I had for him, and he's lost his mom in many many ways. So that's his family ties gone. Now he needs to go and live with the consequences of his vile actions!

[Painter]

It's so amazing what they can come up with. They have to paint themselves as the victims to justify their actions. I feel so very, very sorry for both you and his mother. She must be as devastated as you are.

Yesterday, WH started accusing me of alienating his children from him (he's said this before). I told him he has made up so many lies about me to OW that he's starting to believe them himself. He claimed his son is visiting now and didn't when I was there (he lives next door!). That is an absolute untruth, and I reminded him about how often SS would come by. He said he couldn't remember.

It's like a mental disorder, and I hope someone will research it at some point so we can find out what's really going on.

[Coly23]

Oh Cherry, how awful that he is putting you and now his Mum through this. He really is burning all his bridges and for what!

Actually it is a blessing that his Mum is with you at the moment so she can see what an a&&hole he is to you and S especially him swearing on S's life that's going to far. But you know IMHO this behaviour is a sign that he is starting to unravel as the realisation that not even his Mum supports what he is doing. That comment of everyone is ganging up on him sounds like a bit of a pity party (boohoo!) but if he is so sure what he is doing is right then whatever anyone else says or thinks shouldn't really matter...