Life has changed, and I choose to grow from it.

[Phoebe]

Your daughter sounds an awful lot like me at her age. Heck, she sounds a lot like me right now! Parties just make me feel awkward and uncomfortable, though I have come a very, very long way since I was A D18 myself.

I wonder if she also struggles in situations where she knows people only slightly, rather than knowing them well. Parties are rife with such semi-acquaintances. The absolute most difficult situation that I used to face is where I knew one person well, and the other people present knew that person, too, but I didn't know them. That was always a recipe for complete inhibition on my part. This one has improved a lot with time for me but sometimes it's still an issue.

Roist is absolutely right, though. It is almost never the group shutting the introvert out, it is the introverts that disconnect themselves. I know I did it. People would come up to me with smiles and friendly intentions, and I was so overwhelmed that I just wanted to flee. I know it didn't make me seem very open to friendship. It was so much easier on me to really know a couple people very well, than to "know" a bunch of people on a shallower level. I just didn't realize then the value in every connection I made. I was scared, and inhibited, and making more connections was difficult, so I focused on putting my energy into a few people. That pattern was almost my undoing; I had all of my eggs in the basket labeled WH, and when he left, I was, quite literally almost alone. I started reaching out ASAP, but it was hard because I didn't have much to build on.

These days I am just trying very hard to really hear the welcoming in the voices of those I spend time with. People genuinely WANT to include us introverts. We just need to find a way to connect that still allows us the time and space we sometimes need to recenter ourselves. Time, practice, and maturity can do a lot for kids like us, and I am including you in this little cohort, SH, as well as myself and your D18.

SH, I hear exactly what you are saying, and I think about that nearly every day regarding l-friend. After having been so thoroughly rejected, part of me really does crave all of the things you mentioned. I recognize that. I don't know where this new relationship is going, quite honestly, and I am doing my best to keep the lines of communication open and to monitor for red flags. Yes, the depression is a major flag, waving right in my face, and I get that and have been concerned about it since the beginning.

We have talked frankly about our attachment levels, but you are absolutely right, it is high time l-friend and I checked in with each other again on this front and talked about it frankly and openly. We have done so previously, on more than one occasion, but things are getting more muddled over time, as you so rightly surmised.

Please feel free to say anything you wish to me, SH. I won't take offense. I may not agree with everything you say, but I would still like to hear it. You don't have to tread carefully with me. You have earned your place at my advisor's table, and I value your perspective.

Thank you for your thoughts, Sage Homme. I hope you don't mind if I continue renaming you on an as-needed basis. I enjoy playing with words, and it also reflects my feeling of friendship towards you.

(((((((Super Human)))))))