- Why did I think some of these behaviors were healthy? I do not recall stating that I did. I can say that while I did not think behavior was healthy, I also did not think it was unhealthy; in other words, I did not think about mental health until I began with an IC in Feb 2016. In my opening post I put some things about me. I could do a whole post on my issues. You said it - did not know what healthy was, and you don't know what you don't know.
You are correct, and once that you see, you can't un-see..
So what is different now ?
How are you different ?
How do you react differently ???
How do you act differently...???
Originally Posted By: CT1118
- What does love mean to me? May not be the most pragmatic of answers, but Hesse is my favorite author: “One must find the source within one's own Self, one must possess it. Everything else was seeking -- a detour, an error.”
Yep...except that YOU aren't married to Hesse...
Sounds like an easy question huh ???
Yet it seems to take down the noblest of men when asked...
Originally Posted By: CT1118
-What does love look like to me? Like the water in a river. Deep and shallow, turbulent and calm, narrow and wide, moving around rocks, moving over sand, transporting objects, flowing and frozen, dynamic and static, able to dry out of existence and able to return.
- How do I give love? Dmn these are simple questions, but challenging. I am introverted and have type II ADHD, but I am working on overcoming the detrimental pieces of each. The expression of emotion does not come easy for me. I try to respect, to understand, to show compassion, to express, to be silent, to allow, to forgive, to understand. But when I truly love someone, I am able to give of myself entire and so few have ever gotten that from me. However, I am fallible from the above and I can and have lost sight what I should be giving.
- How do I receive love? Might depend on the person or the place. An example, from my dog it is without doubt, from my son it is with purity, from my W it is with patience, from my mother it is with hesitance. However, I think you would understand if I said these adjectives are continually evolving.
I am not convinced, that you know what any of these mean...
And that is okay for now...
It's also the reason that he asked you the question.
Have you read the 5LL ??
Feeling loved and giving love, are at your core.
They are based on how you think, act, speak, etc..
Core issues don't typically ebb and flow like feelings do...
Feelings of love are often fleeting at best...true deep love however, differs greatly...
Originally Posted By: CT1118
- I am not so sure I can give you her dumping me at 19/20 years old as an early sign of much. In hindsight and context of the story, it appears clear. But if women dumped men with explanation on the regular the whole "its not you, its me" thing wouldn't be a thing. She was not the first or the last to do that to me around that age, as is the case with many young people.
Why did she dump you at 19/20 ?
Cause I am thinking, that the FIRST sign of this being a dysfunctional relationship, which appears to be...
On and Off On again Off again On again Off again
A relationship where you BOTH avoid and run away from things rather than to face things...
MAY have started with this...
Originally Posted By: CT1118
- Why do I think we move through relationships but remain in secret communication with each other? Well, because of our childhoods in short. Because we both have always been in love with each other, but neither of us never really understood or knew how to love in a way which was healthy. Because we both learned that we were able to destroy others without much regard for their feelings. Because we both want to be with each other and want to figure out a way. Because we both grew up thinking we were incapable of loving others and meeting each other tossed a wrench into that idea. Because we both could not escape the spectre of our adverse childhood experiences. Because we both have trust issues. Because we both are selfish. Because we both believe at our cores we are good people but have not learned how to stop hurting others. Because we both lacked self control. Lastly, because until I walked into that IC office in Feb 2016 I had never sought a permanent way to be entirely better as a human being.
So how do you stop that cycle ??
How close are you to accepting 100% of your half in this ?
I also see a LOT of "we" in there...
Sure, you both sukced at this relationship.
However...YOU are the one here now...
I asked you very similar questions the other day on RSG's thread up in Newcomers...
You avoided them then, and I see a lot of avoidance in this response to the freakin Rican....
Just my opinion from reading what you write...
I see you posting here, yet not really taking much of this to heart. Because you believe that eventually, SHE will "snap out of it" , and want to come back. Just like has ALWAYS happened in the past...
There is a difference, BIG difference between DBing, and just waiting it out...
