Me and Midlife Wife and Midlife

[CT1118]

Eric,

You have taken so much time on my posts and I cannot thank you enough. Also, I have no problem with the hijack - it actually makes me think (which is really an assumption) as if you came out of semi-retirement to respond to me (I base this off of some replies felt like a few had not had the chance to communicate w/ you in a bit. I sir, am honored.

I cannot reply to all, I tried and it was just going on and on...

There were a few points in there where I felt you were being quite dismissive, but I do believe this was not your intent. My definition of love was my own, I did not take it from a book r the internet. You ask a creative introverted mind a question like that, the answer you get may be abstract, but that does not make it less true for the respondent. Also, ADHD and introversion have ruined me, I have gone to great lengths to work beyond them in the past 6 months and am proud of the progress. Rest assured though, this not only guides how I loved in the past, but how I am friends, how I am a son, how I am a father, how I am a leader, etc. But I am awake and it will be a challenge, sometimes minute by minute, but I refuse to let it govern my future.

You want to buy me that book. I do not know what to say. That is so incredibly kind and I have never been good at understanding where kindness comes from. If there is a way to contact me outside of here, I would prefer we begin with that. I have multiple emails which I almost never use, I would be fine posting one here that is nearly defunct for initial contact. That is an incredible offer you have made.

Love, healthy or otherwise, is love. To meet your example head on, my mother did slap me everyday, she still loved me, her love had nothing to do with the chaos in her mind which ruined her capacity for a healthy handling of her pain. So how can you "really love" if you don't know what love is? Love is intrinsic even if one does not understand the extrinsic part of it. Love is dynamic and not static. Love is a flow, like our very breath. The cause of something is rarely a single event, but more likely a series of events which leads to an event horizon.

Love is a colloquialism and germane to an individual, such as "I'm not a smart man, but I know what love is." And that line comes from one of the most dysfunctional and unhealthy love stories all times, yet it kicked America's heart in the throat because of it's purity. I am not saying I identify with this as an example of me, but I am using it to provide a digestible alternative to your theory.

Hi Eric, my name is CT1118, I am a recovering narcotics addict with multiple learning disabilities who needed to learn how to be a man. And I happy we can be friends. And I really and truly appreciate what you are doing to help me. And, that was all a story of my past, I am detached - but only at the beginning of that detachment.

PS - Here is another understanding of love, I think you will recognize it... "I don't, I don't want to kill you! What would I do without you? Go back to ripping off mob dealers? No, no, NO! No. You... you... complete me."