Thanks Job. I realized I was hungry and stressed and shut my mouth. Stopped talking, got something to eat and let it go.
Honestly, we had crazy busy, nice birthdays and the reality... Those folks are wackadoo. By stepping away, they save us all a ton of grief. We can go on our merry way--maybe Louisa didn't get $1,000 worth of gifts, but she got to go to the Biltmore, eat sushi for dinner, hang with a good friend, watch the new Jungle Book and eat ice cream cake without the pressure to be nice to some really mean, selfish people.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Hi Heather!!! Happy Day's, Girl! I'm just stopping in real quick, I'm pretty unknown amongst these parts these days... but I'm still so glad to see you here. I've texted you, but it appears you have had some MAJOR changes, and thus.. a new phone? My msgs have bounced back...
Anyway.. it appears as though you are doing quite well, and are still dealing with the same behavior from Matt. That's totally cool... you know how to deal with that. I get the diff in how Lousia has experienced life vs Cal. Things have been drastically different for d15 too... ahhhh.... but the things they will learn at an early age. Self dependence? Self reliance? Self respect? I donno, Heather... Its a journey, girl... and you have walked it! I feel ya, and I know you have been through it. It is so good to be able to still have communication with you!
I mean, things are drastically different for me in my life, but you, girl, you have really taken drastically different physical measures to mix it up! I really respect that about you and hope you are doing so well...
My 2 girls are in a similar sitch with grandparents. For a long time the sadness consumed me but I have come to realize that the best gift I can give my girls is to be their mom 24/7 and not give the haters or the indifferent ANY energy. No negative, no positive - not worth it. NOTHING - NADA - ZILCH.
Very unfamiliar territory for me but my absolute refusal to engage my emotions or my time has been empowering without treading towards bitterness. As for the very personal grieving process I am still grappling with it and going to counseling. My heart is so sad even though my brain is much more evolved. I struggle with the tragedy of it but I find myself really wanting to move beyond that definition of my family.
Let us know what you decide on the car. I went practical and no regrets.
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
I love that Gwen. I love giving NO energy to the haters. AWESOME.
Today is Matt's 50th birthday. It's the end of the annual Birthday parade... mine, Louisa's and his...
For the most part, it's a non-issue. Little bit of sadness around such a big birthday being celebrated with strangers, not his family. Pushing the ideas of how he is celebrating from my mind.
I struggled with sending a simple text. I hate how things like that are such a big decision with MLC/Addiction. I remember fondly the days when something so small wasn't a big deal.
He sent me a Happy Birthday, so, in the spirit of mirroring... I sent a simple Happy 50th. He responded Thank You. I guess for that small grain of hope that he will wake up/hit a bottom... that's what pushed me in the direction of acknowledging the b'day...
So strange, yesterday, I was feeling I would ignore it. I mean, seriously, this man treated us all with such rejection, nastiness, etc... who could blame me for ignoring? Then, God worked some of HIS Godliness... in a phone call to a friend who lives in Pennsylvania and never knew me when I lived in Ohio--she mentioned she spent time at this super small, rural development near where I lived in Ohio. A place where Matt worked for years and years. It was a part of our daily life for, at least, ten years. An incredibly small blurb that may not even be marked on a calendar. I took it as a sign to at least acknowledge this big deal birthday of a man I've known since I was 12 years old, when he told his mom he was gonna marry me someday.
On a lighter note, going to pick up my new Prius this afternoon :-)
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I drive a toyota and LOVE it!!! It is so nice to have a vehicle that doesn't suck up $ at the gas station and to be able to drive it long after the loan is satisfied is a good business decision.
While financially I have been lucky because I could stay in my house the reality is that I will probably never be able to rich in cash. It is just statistically hard to accomplish after decades as a SAHM when the joint 401K was drained. That reality has forced me to reframe how I think about money and keeping expenses low keeps your options open. My bank balance might not be large but I try to keep the bills lower and that has given me more freedom than many friends with higher payer incomes.
What color? Very, very exciting stuff - Congrats!
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
Woo hoo! How exciting! What is the first road trip you will take?
So happy for you!
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Heather, I’ve been reading along… just not much time to post… I can see the sadness in losing something you thought was the best thing happen to you… I also see the realization that the man you married was not exactly the one you thought he was… And… still you have a hope for him… and also for you and your D’s… that one day he will wake up and do the right things…
I think it is great that you acknowledged his B-day! You are bigger than the hurt that he brought up on you and your D’s. It’s been a difficult journey for you, but I think you are doing great.
Congrats on the Prius! It is a great car! You are awesome, Heather, making it this far in your life! I wish I would be somewhere around to give you my support and spend some fun time with you!
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
